BARRY BUSTER_BLUTH COP DRIVER_2 EDDIE GEORGE_BLUTH_SR GEORGE_MICHAEL_BLUTH GOB_BLUTH GOTTFRIED GUARD JOANIE_BEARD LIEUTENANT_TODDLER LINDSAY_BLUTH_FUNKE LUCILLE_2 LUCILLE_BLUTH MAEBY_FUNKE MICHAEL_BLUTH MURPHY NEIGHBOR OFFICER OFFICER_2 REBEL_ALLEY RON_HOWARD SCUBA_INSTRUCTOR TOBIAS_FUNKE


RON HOWARD
Michael was on his way to see Rebel Alley after being less than honest with his son about having broken up with her.
MICHAEL BLUTH
And I am.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Yep. I show up there, I got a cactus, for God's sakes. That's a universal sign for "things are over," you know?
RON HOWARD
When, in fact, he'd actually told her.
REBEL ALLEY
It's on the way out between us.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I ain't going nowhere.
RON HOWARD
George Michael had similarly made a false claim.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Do you have plans with Rebel?
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Uh, yeah. I do, yeah.
MICHAEL BLUTH
You do? Good for you guys.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
I do, yeah. No, it's- it's fun stuff. Yeah.
RON HOWARD
When the truth was.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
I mean, the truth is I haven't even seen her since I punched him.
RON HOWARD
And each was worried the other would say "You lied to me, and that's worse."
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH

MICHAEL BLUTH

MICHAEL BLUTH
That's how I see it. But you lied, and that's worse.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
You lied to me, George Michael, and that's worse
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
I mean, you know he's going to say, "and that's worse."
RON HOWARD
So, Michael decided to tell her he was going somewhere. George Michael, meanwhile, was approaching the same apartment with a plan of his own.
MAEBY FUNKE
Go to Rebel's. Take my bag of lazy ticklers, hoo-ha bras, dog toys and sex knobs with you. And you act like you're expecting a booty call, as the old people think the young people say. Tell her I'm just here for a quickie and then I'm getting out of here. Mr. Brash.
RON HOWARD
So, when Michael saw his son brashly approaching, he decided to be the adult in the relationship and avoid conflict by squatting in a bush, until his son passed on his way to what the young people refer to as a booty call.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Yes. Standing out here with a bag of sex toys. Let's go. Not getting any less horny out here. How are you?
NEIGHBOR
I think she's still gone until tomorrow.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Is she? Okay, good. I actually was getting less, uh what I mentioned earlier.
RON HOWARD
Moments earlier, a still-squatting Michael noticed something in the bushes.
LIEUTENANT TODDLER
You all right in there?
MICHAEL BLUTH
Hey. Toddler. Hey. Uh, this looks, um. You know, I- I have- There's a woman in there who's kind of obsessed with me, so.
LIEUTENANT TODDLER
Oh, this one too?
MICHAEL BLUTH
Mm, yep. Yeah, yeah. Oh! actually, I- I have a question for you.
LIEUTENANT TODDLER
Okay.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Uh, I'll come out there.
LIEUTENANT TODDLER
Oh, okay.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Do you remember when I called you about my brother Buster? The- The missing person thing? Did- Did he ever show up? Did anybody ever claim him?
LIEUTENANT TODDLER
Yeah, they got him.
MICHAEL BLUTH
They did. I had a feeling.
LIEUTENANT TODDLER
Yeah. Well, I'm going home.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Okay. Great.
LIEUTENANT TODDLER
I- I live here.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Oh. Didn't know they paid you that fair. Yeah, good for you.
MICHAEL BLUTH
That is one dirty cop.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Dad?
RON HOWARD
But diplomacy won the day.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Yeah, I'm just- I'm making sure that she knows that we broke up.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Oh, I can run that up for you. Save you a trip.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Okay. Yeah. Uh, make sure she doesn't think you're trying to break up with her.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
 Yeah.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Don't suppose you reconsidered the scuba trip, did you?
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Oh, God, I'll tell you, it's tempting as hell, but I.
MICHAEL BLUTH
You're in love.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
I'm just so in love.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Maybe next time?
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Promise?
MICHAEL BLUTH
I do.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Ciao.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
I'll see ya.
RON HOWARD
But moments after leaving his father's gift outside Rebel's door.
REBEL ALLEY
George! Hey! Oh!
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Mm.
REBEL ALLEY
What are you doing here?
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Uh, you know. You mean, without calling?
REBEL ALLEY
Oh, I know, I'm so sorry. I was shooting this tiny movie in Mexico for two months and I meant to call you, and I just landed. How did you find out I was back?
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Just thought I'd get lucky. Well, you'd get lucky. I'm sure that strikes you as inconsiderate, but- Oh, I got it. Thank you so much.
REBEL ALLEY
He's my hero. 
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Well, I hope he's not expecting a tip.
DRIVER 2
They instruct us not to ask.
REBEL ALLEY
I don't have any cash. Uh.
RON HOWARD
George Michael decided to split the difference.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Just take it. Jerk. Kidding. Sorry. Thank you. Beat it. Nice guy. Tough job.
REBEL ALLEY
What?
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Tough guy. Thinks he's a tough guy. But he does a nice job. Uh, as do these sex toys I caddishly brought you.
REBEL ALLEY
What? Wait. What is this used for?
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
That, I believe, is a device that older people use to put their shoes on.
GOTTFRIED
without bending over! Get Shoedini right this second. Come on, please. It's not just a shoehorn, it's a shoehorn on a stick.
REBEL ALLEY
From TV? Well, I can think of another use for it. But I've got to be gone in five minutes. I've got to pick up my son. So, it's going to have to be a quickie and then we can get out of here.
RON HOWARD
Which was the line George Michael had planned to use. So, he improvised.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Fine, but I hope we can spend some quality time together later.
REBEL ALLEY

REBEL ALLEY
Oh my God, you're like the dream boyfriend.
RON HOWARD
Now, the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together.
RON HOWARD
It's Arrested Development.
RON HOWARD
Having just handed his son a breakup cactus, Michael finally boarded the boat for his three-month sojourn to stare at the ocean floor. But not without some regret.
RON HOWARD
While just up the wharf, the other Bluths prepared to graciously receive the family of the year award they were so generously giving themselves at the banana stand, only to discover.
GOB BLUTH
There's no banana stand.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
What happened to the banana stand?
LUCILLE BLUTH
Who was the advance for this? Who was the advance team? You're the campaign manager. This could ruin your mother's campaign.
MAEBY FUNKE
Well, I can't take credit for this.
RON HOWARD
Because she had a plan of her own.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Why don't you write her a speech for her to say about you?
MAEBY FUNKE
Yeah, so, when my mom's giving the speech, we'll be in the background and we're just going at it. And then, I open my mouth and I have these rotted out meth teeth. And I'm like, why do I got to my cousin for some meth money, Mom?
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
I feel like we're circling it.
MAEBY FUNKE
Um, I'll- I'll get into it. Hi, this is Maeby Funke for the Lindsay Bluth campaign. Where the hell are my meth teeth? It's been way over two hours.
GOB BLUTH
Apparently, nobody's seen the banana stand since Cinco. Some kids probably threw it in the water during the blowback.
RON HOWARD
Which was bad news for Tobias.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Well, you certainly can't have a family-friendly banana stand award without a man dressed what.
RON HOWARD
who had finally found a way to slip into the family.
TOBIAS FUNKE
I'm out. I know. I get it.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Feel like a ing moron.
JOANIE BEARD
All right. We're all set up. Paid the crew $75 bucks an hour, let's go. Let's go.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Wait a minute. Lindsay's not even here yet, why are we starting?
GOB BLUTH
It's okay, Mom, I'll go first. I got a little something for Dad, anyway.
JOANIE BEARD
This is Oh See Can You Say By The Sea, we're bringing you the first annual Family of the.
GOB BLUTH
of the ing year! Let's hear it for the mother year.
GOB BLUTH
I thought there was going to be music or thank you, Beard, for.
GOB BLUTH
Dad, you were always there for me. You were always there for me. And man, we've had fun together.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Ahh...
GOB BLUTH
How about that Mexico trip?
GOB BLUTH
Things we'll remember: "Always Horny" shirts, eating chips in the car, "Shut up, Gob," and almost making love to some roadside bushes. "Shh, don't tell Mom!"
GOB BLUTH
Remember how our Winnebago got demolished by that train? So many memories. So, that's why all you have to do is look at me and you'll realize that you've done something great in this life.
GOB BLUTH
You are the golden anchor of this family, the man who not only left his mark on Newport, with the great banana stand up- good- have- standing. Is- yup.
GOB BLUTH
You always leave your mark everywhere you sit. So, I give you the biggest anchor of gold in the world. I only wish it were real gold so that you wouldn't have 30 years of hard work ahead of you. 30 years!
RON HOWARD
A thoroughly horrible speech.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Oh my gosh. Uh, thank you, I, uh. Oh, wow, it's heavy. I haven't- this, uh, well, let 'em try to take this away from me. Huh?
GOB BLUTH
They'll have to pry it out of your cold dead hands.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Oh, you're not wearing that! You're running to fill a house seat, not a sofa.
LINDSAY BLUTH FUNKE
You know, I'm starting to worry you're not even capable of saying something nice about me in your speech.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Lindsay. Saying nice things about you is easy.
LINDSAY BLUTH FUNKE
Oh, Mom.
LUCILLE BLUTH
The hard part is not sounding sarcastic. Oh, now, seriously, go change. That outfit shouldn't even come in that size.
LINDSAY BLUTH FUNKE
How about this, Mom? Nothing to criticize now. Happy? Come on. Let me hear one of your crinkly smiles.
LUCILLE BLUTH
At least it fits.
LINDSAY BLUTH FUNKE

LUCILLE BLUTH
Look who grew out of her sheet.
LINDSAY BLUTH FUNKE
I thought about it. It's a big day. I'm being honored. I should look my best.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Well, let me know when you do.
LINDSAY BLUTH FUNKE
And you just won yourself a sheet-covered daughter.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Oh, take that off. The cameras are getting this.
LINDSAY BLUTH FUNKE
Why? You don't like anything under this sheet, why should I take it off? You don't even have a speech for me.
LUCILLE BLUTH
How dare you? You're going to be very surprised when I get up there.
SCUBA INSTRUCTOR
All right, guys. Know what your number one tool is for a scuba diver? Your sun. All right, you got to see how the sun is coming through the ocean. Okay, because that's going to be your guiding light.
RON HOWARD
And as Michael faced his biggest fear, leaving behind his son.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I got to go back. I got to go back. You can't leave. Can you turn this thing around?
SCUBA INSTRUCTOR
It's too late for that. Double the dock fee. We got a tight schedule.
RON HOWARD
His son showed up, willing to face a big fear himself.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Hey! Hey! What are you doing? I was just coming back to you.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
What? Naw, I didn't, I don't want to leave things emotionally ambiguous.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I buddy, I don't want to leave without having some sense of the...
RON HOWARD
It was hard stuff to yell.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
What?
MICHAEL BLUTH
Did you hear what I said?
RON HOWARD
And the farther away they got, the more they realized they did have to say to each other.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
What?!
MICHAEL BLUTH
I'm coming back. I'm coming back.
RON HOWARD
And without the ability to speak, they resorted to a language they'd learned long ago.
RON HOWARD
Which was all that needed to be said, but the moment was short-lived.
GEORGE BLUTH SR

GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Ah.
GEORGE BLUTH SR

GEORGE BLUTH SR
Hey! You do this! You always try to save everyone.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I'm literally saving you. Come on. Come on. Turn over on your back, like an otter.
GEORGE BLUTH SR

GEORGE BLUTH SR

GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Were you trying to kill yourself, Pop-Pop?
GEORGE BLUTH SR
No. Well, I dropped my prize, and I was trying to find it. I would've been fine. Maybe I was trying to... save you.
MICHAEL BLUTH
You want to save me? Why don't you stop playing games with me? Stop trying to teach me a lesson by hiding Buster. I talked to a cop, I know somebody got him.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Got him? Michael, we don't have Buster. We would never make you worry. We love you. That's why we got rid of your $700,000 debt.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Hang on. What are you talking about? I thought that was Lucille 2. You forgave the debt?
GEORGE BLUTH SR
No. Of course we did. Well, I mean, no technically, we- we forgot the debt. We can forget it, but we can never forgive it. I mean, we need the write-off.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Why'd you think they were trying to teach you a lesson?
MICHAEL BLUTH
Be- Because I was- was teaching them a lesson.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Ah.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Oh, he knows, you know. I- I declared Buster missing and then they were gon gonna try to teach me a lesson, right? By having a fake Buster. Over at Lucille 2's today when I walked in the guy with Tobias. That I would still think that the real Buster was still missing.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Wait, how did they know you were going to walk in today?
MICHAEL BLUTH
What's that?
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Didn't you say it was a last-minute trip? You just came down to get your scuba gear?
RON HOWARD
It wasn't a half bad point.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Well, I got to find a phone.
RON HOWARD
And back at the ceremony, Lucille had taken the podium to deliver a speech her daughter thought she had failed to write.
LUCILLE BLUTH
As grateful as I am to be with my family today, I want to make special mention of my only daughter, who thinks I didn't write a speech.
LUCILLE BLUTH
This young woman has had to show enormous strength, and not just to endure having me as a mother. But she's the one we honor today. A woman I should have honored long ago, because I've got a daughter who has many faces, and all of them are beautiful.
MAEBY FUNKE
She stole my speech.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Maybe you can show the world the smile I love so much.
MAEBY FUNKE
That doesn't even make sense without meth teeth.
RON HOWARD
But it made sense to Lindsay.
LINDSAY BLUTH FUNKE
I've been wanting to hear that since I was a little girl. I didn't think I ever would.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Well, now you have.
LINDSAY BLUTH FUNKE
God, it was my dream. What a waste of a dream. It's nothing. I- I can see that now.
LINDSAY BLUTH FUNKE
I- I think I'm going to go now. Find out who my real family is.
RON HOWARD
And though her mother had stolen a speech from Maeby.
LINDSAY BLUTH FUNKE
Find my real mother.
RON HOWARD
Lindsay stole a line from Michael.
LINDSAY BLUTH FUNKE
I'm out of here.
RON HOWARD
Maeby had planned on humiliating her mother but now her mother was leaving, and she wanted to give her one last kiss good-bye. Before the cameras left. But George Michael had learned a thing or two and he'd learned both of those things in Spain.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
That kind of takes the fun out of it.
MAEBY FUNKE
Maybe we should kiss again to teach them a lesson. You know?
OFFICER
Okay people, you're presenting awards on a crime scene and that is, of course, against the law.
LUCILLE BLUTH
What the hell is going on? What, because the banana stand is gone?
OFFICER #2
No, because of the bloody trail that led to it. Nah- I've already said too much.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Where the hell did you run off to?
OFFICER 2
Come on guys, come on. Move out people, break it up.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Sorry, Michael tried to kill himself. I got there in time to save him, but he doesn't have Buster.
LUCILLE BLUTH
What?
RON HOWARD
Which was good news for Tobias, who was already in his backup costume.
TOBIAS FUNKE
My name is Buster Bluth and yes, I am a monster.
OFFICER 2
You're Buster Bluth? Isn't he supposed to be in jail?
TOBIAS FUNKE
Well, that's not exactly what I was going for, but... sure. But they're buying it, see?
OFFICER
Yeah. Yeah.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Um, hey, uh, I just found out that they're, uh, holding Buster in jail.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Buster's in jail?
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Why?
MICHAEL BLUTH
Uh, well apparently, he walked into the police station and now they're holding him for something.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Why in the hell would Buster go to the police?
MICHAEL BLUTH
The truth, Mom? I told him to. But I wanted to make it very, very clear that I'm never coming back again.
RON HOWARD
And that's when Michael decided to try out a new line.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Okay, I will stay.
RON HOWARD
The Bluths were waiting for news about Buster, whom they'd just discovered had been in jail.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Buster's been trapped in here all alone for a month.
RON HOWARD
And his mother was understandably worried.
LUCILLE BLUTH
God knows what he's told them. Like we don't have enough on our plate with Lindsay running off right before the election.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Hey. I left word for Barry. The guy in his office seems to think the bail's going to be around 50.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Well, you're paying for it. Not us.
MICHAEL BLUTH
That would wipe me out, Mom.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Michael, this is your fault. You lied to us about Buster being missing to teach us a lesson.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Because you lied to Buster that- that I agreed to look after him.
LUCILLE BLUTH
I didn't lie. I saw you that night at the pier and asked you to.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Well.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I wish I could forget.
GOB BLUTH
Michael.
MICHAEL BLUTH
For the last time, I was not there that night. Or if I was there, I somehow have no memory.
GOB BLUTH
Okay. Does it matter who remembers what, Michael? Just forget that, it's so easy to forget.
GUARD
Bluth?
MICHAEL BLUTH
Yep.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Yes.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Mm-hmm.
GUARD
Only one of you.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Okay.
LUCILLE BLUTH
What?
MICHAEL BLUTH
You're the one he's going to want to see.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Oh, he certainly didn't want to see me last time I talked to him. He said he was all grown up and found a new mother.
GOB BLUTH
God, what a baby thing to say. I think this is a job for the man in charge. I'm the president, so, Dad.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Oh, okay. I'll go in, but h- honestly, I don't think it's going to help anybody if I- I go in, take a swing at the guard. Uh, maybe I stabbed one of them.
LUCILLE BLUTH
No, the only way you're stabbing anything is if you have a knife.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I think that's what he meant.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
That's what I meant.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Okay. I'm going to go in, it's getting rough out here. Guard?
BUSTER BLUTH
So, Mom wouldn't come in, huh?
MICHAEL BLUTH
How'd you know she was even here?
BUSTER BLUTH
I can smell her on you.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Ah. Right. I forgot, y- you're good at that. I remember that one time she changed her perfume and she lost you at the park.
BUSTER BLUTH
Yeah. That never happened. It was at Nordstrom's and Mother was ambushed by the Charlie girl.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Yes, sorry. And we found you in the break room with the Chanel man.
BUSTER BLUTH
Oh, he should never have lost his job for that.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Mm. What happened?
BUSTER BLUTH
He was just giving me a Fanta. I mean I- I know I should've spoken up for him, but I was only a boy. I was barely out of my teens, I didn't.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Currently, currently. Currently. I'm wondering what happened here. You know. I mean, you- you were just supposed to lay low for a little while, remember? Go into the police station, say you’re not a missing person.
BUSTER BLUTH
Oh.
BUSTER BLUTH
That's what I did. I was supposed to be mother bait, but mother never came to pick me up.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Mm-hmm.
BUSTER BLUTH
Did she even know I was missing?
MICHAEL BLUTH
No, b- because you were no longer missing after you got arrested. I mean, did you tell them that you found Lucille 2 passed out on the stair car?
BUSTER BLUTH
I think I said, "dead." No, maybe they said dead and I said, "I wish."
MICHAEL BLUTH
Why'd you do that?
BUSTER BLUTH
I thought it was funny. Oh, by the way, I also told you that I saw her on the stair car, Michael.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I thought you were trying to be funny.
BUSTER BLUTH
Well, you have a weird sense of humor, Michael.
RON HOWARD
Although, weeks earlier.
LIEUTENANT TODDLER
You want to tell me why she's there one minute and gone the next?
RON HOWARD
the cops had no sense of humor.
LUCILLE 2
Ah! Mm.
BUSTER BLUTH
Maybe she crawled away. She was always falling down or crawling away or rolling off camera and stuff. I don't know why it's a crime to not know where someone is.
LIEUTENANT TODDLER
No. It's- This part is the problem.
RON HOWARD
Having seen he was caught on camera, Buster had tried to erase the security tape. Unfortunately, to do so, he used his nephew's software Fakeblock. Which was fake. So, it couldn't block anything. But it was easy to dance to.
BUSTER BLUTH

BUSTER BLUTH
Mm.
BUSTER BLUTH
Oh! That's because if you saw the first video, you'd think why did that guy just erase this?
LIEUTENANT TODDLER
Nonetheless, some might consider that tampering with evidence. Thanks, Eddie, you can go.
BUSTER BLUTH
Thank you.
EDDIE
You had me to come all the way down here so I could play a video off our Dropbox? Oh. Okay, evidence guy, we're done with you.
COP
Well, it's your job.
EDDIE
No. Putting it on the Dropbox is my job. Walking a mile to my parking spot, 'cause you guys can't admit that you don't know how to use Drop-
BUSTER BLUTH
Box! That's not even his job. He's every bit as much of a detective as someone with the word detective in their title.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I don't care about the evidence guy.
BUSTER BLUTH
Well, join the club.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Why were you trying to erase the tape?
BUSTER BLUTH
I panicked. I had just had a fight with Lucille 2 because she made me miss Mom's trial and I guess somebody saw us fighting, and if- if anything happened to her, you know they love to blame it on the "crazy vet." I'm trying to do air quotes, but they metal strapped my hand because people were using it to make tattoos when I was asleep.
MICHAEL BLUTH
What's going on with the other hand?
BUSTER BLUTH
Oh, this is so I don't take the metal strap off.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Got it. Okay, well, I got to call into Barry, he's going to get you out of here. Hey, and I'm sure nothing you've said is even admissible. You know, unless of course you've-
BUSTER BLUTH

BUSTER BLUTH
Waived my rights to an attorney? Yeah, I did that.
MICHAEL BLUTH
What for?
BUSTER BLUTH
What for? You told me to. Plus, I didn't want the evidence guy to have walked all that way for nothing.
RON HOWARD
Michael had just left the prison when his attorney called.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Yeah, I just left the prison.
BARRY
Yeah, I know, I'm here.
MICHAEL BLUTH
At the prison? You're at the prison now?
BARRY
Yeah. And I'm not making a lot of friends either. I mean, the guards hate me because what the hell is a defense attorney doing here? And the inmates hate me because what the hell is a defense attorney doing in the shower?
MICHAEL BLUTH
What are you doing in there, Barry?
BARRY
Legally, it's the only place that they can't record you when you talk to inmates.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I don't think that's true.
BARRY
Really? I got the worst ing clients.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Look, have- have- have you seen Buster?
BARRY
No, my hands are tied until you post bail. I think the clerk said it was $50,000. Call Rafael at Atomic Bonds, tell him it's for Barry. We can talk next steps with Buster at your place tomorrow in person. I prefer things face-to-face.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Less chance of a misunderstanding. Okay, yeah, I'll do it. I- I'll get the bail, I'll cover it. I just, I hope that our position has not been greatly weakened.
BARRY
Of course we're going to have a great weekend. Talk to you later.
RON HOWARD
And so, the next day the family gathered under a banner they'd been repurposing for a party customized to Buster's limited palate.
GOB BLUTH
Uh yeah, I guess I'll take a hamburger with two tops.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Michael said Barry would be here with Buster over an hour ago.
GOB BLUTH
Well, maybe Buster made him stop to make sure nobody found the body.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Lucille 2's fine. Believe me, she's somewhere with a new chin sipping steak through a straw.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
You know, if Buster was a murderer, your mother would be in grave danger. Maybe I should, uh, move into the cottage with you two. That way, one of us can always be awake.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Lucille. As your therapist, I would encourage to let go of relationships that don't serve you.
LUCILLE BLUTH
You're no longer my therapist.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Okay. We're making some progress. Then a- as your roommate, I encourage you to claim your space.
LUCILLE BLUTH
You're no longer my roommate.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Wow. You are just progressing by leaps and bounds. 
TOBIAS FUNKE
A victim of my own competence.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Mm. And this goes for your hold this "acting partner" too.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Oh, he's more than my acting partner. Much more. He's my, uh.
MICHAEL BLUTH
boyfriend.
GOB BLUTH
boyfriend.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
boyfriend.
MURPHY
They think- They think that we're boyfriends, Dad.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Well, thanks for giving away that surprise.
MURPHY

TOBIAS FUNKE
I'm his bastard father. This is my bastard son. Murphy Brown.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Murphy? And his last name is Brown?
TOBIAS FUNKE
No. Murphy Brown is his first name. His last name is uh well, now it's Funke.
MURPHY
Oh, that's how you say it. Hm.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Yes. He's named after a famous private investigator who worked for the Chicago Sun-Times and then, I believe, went to work for the Washington Post.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I believe it is a character from TV, uh, that was played by Candice Bergen.
MURPHY
Mm.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Well, that is a coincidence. Uh, now I have two things to be embarrassed about. The second being keeping this a secret for so long and.
TOBIAS FUNKE
I feel like I should apologize to maybe half the people in this room, but maybe most of all, mother Bluth. Because bringing my son back into our family clearly drove Lindsay away.
MAEBY FUNKE
Wait, Mom left? Then why am I still wearing this?
TOBIAS FUNKE
Oh, uh, before I forget, this is your half-sister. Maeby.
MURPHY
Oh, close one, because I actually think she's very hot.
MAEBY FUNKE
Ugh.
MURPHY
Is she okay?
TOBIAS FUNKE
Oh, she'll be fine. I was here for her entire childhood. Now let's put a nugget in your mouth.
MURPHY
You're being sweet to me today.
LUCILLE BLUTH
He's here. He's here!
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Behind um, everybody behind.
LUCILLE BLUTH
He's innocent, you coward.
BARRY
Hello.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Oh.
BARRY
Oh my gosh, you guys.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Barry.
BARRY
You guys, you are the best. This is so wonderful.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Barry?
BARRY
Yeah.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Where's Buster?
BARRY
In jail. Is this your cover just to throw me this party? Thank you. Thank you.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Barry, what's hang on. What's going on? I talked to you on the phone, I told you that- that Buster was in jail. You said you were too, and that if I could get the bail to your-to your guy.
BARRY
then we can talk next steps with Buster at your place tomorrow in person. Thanks.
MICHAEL BLUTH
So, you're saying I paid to bail you out?
BARRY
You weren't going to leave me in there, were you?
MICHAEL BLUTH
I did not know you were in jail.
BARRY
Okay, well that's why I like to do things face-to-face, okay?
MICHAEL BLUTH
Understood.
GOB BLUTH
Oh! Oh! Michael, you did it! You didn't know that Barry was in jail? You- 'Cause this is so this is hysterical, this is priceless, one for the ages, Dad. No this is never going to get out of my system.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Gob.
GOB BLUTH

MICHAEL BLUTH
You okay?
GOB BLUTH
Why didn't you think Buster was in jail? Two seconds ago, you thought that he was going to kill you.
MICHAEL BLUTH
True.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Gob. Buster is in jail.
GOB BLUTH
 Oh. Right. We were just there. Michael made an honest mistake. Jeez, I hope Buster doesn't kill us for laughing.
RON HOWARD
On the next Arrested Development. With danger lurking, the Bluth family tightens their ranks.
GOB BLUTH
This doesn't leave this house.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
All right, all right, all right. It's fine. The boy can be trusted.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Are we absolutely sure about that?
GOB BLUTH
Why don't we let the boy speak for himself?
MURPHY
Am I the boy?
LUCILLE BLUTH
I've never heard a man ask that question.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Nor have I.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
You know what would be a good idea, boy, why don't you get me a Fanta on your way out of the family. It's, uh, it's in the fridge.
MURPHY
I don't know what's happening.