ADHIR BLUTH_COMPANY_EMPLOYEE DUSTY GEORGE_BLUTH_SR GEORGE_MICHAEL_BLUTH GOB_BLUTH JOANIE_BEARD LANDLORD LUCILLE_BLUTH MAEBY_FUNKE MICHAEL_BLUTH MURPHY NEWS_ANCHOR RON_HOWARD ROSE SCUBA_INSTRUCTOR STAN_SITWELL TOBIAS_FUNKE TONY TROPHY_SALESMAN WOMAN_ON_BEACH


RON HOWARD
Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together.
RON HOWARD
It's Arrested Development.
RON HOWARD
Michael Bluth was visiting the family business, hoping to find Lucille Austero, who was now a majority stakeholder, to thank the woman.
MICHAEL BLUTH
They closed the company.
RON HOWARD
for forgiving his debt.
BLUTH COMPANY EMPLOYEE
Oh, don't mind me. I work downstairs. Just doing a little lunch looting. You?
MICHAEL BLUTH
Uh-uh, it was-it was my family's company. I'm Michael Bluth.
BLUTH COMPANY EMPLOYEE
Hey. You guys put me in my first house.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Oh, yeah, a lot of a lot of people's first house was a Bluth.
BLUTH COMPANY EMPLOYEE
No, no, I was part of that Cornballer class action suit.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I see.
BLUTH COMPANY EMPLOYEE
Yeah, I made enough to put a, uh, down payment on a Sitwell.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Well we've put a lot of people in Sitwells too.
BLUTH COMPANY EMPLOYEE
Hey, an iPhone 5 charger!
MICHAEL BLUTH
Oh.
GOB BLUTH
Oh, God, Michael, you caught us.
JOANIE BEARD
Ooh, yes. 
GOB BLUTH
I didn't think anybody would be getting on while we were getting off.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Gob, what did you do to the Bluth Company? You've been president two weeks.
GOB BLUTH
Took us to the next level.
GOB BLUTH
Fourth floor.
RON HOWARD
Michael wasn't the only one surprised by the move.
LANDLORD
Are you absolutely sure? Not only would you have to pay a penalty to get out of your old lease, but the rent is double. Just to see the roof of a Rite Aid?
RON HOWARD
Even the landlord could only find one difference between floors.
RON HOWARD
Which was the first that Gob had heard of the view.
GOB BLUTH
I'll take it.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Okay, okay, ding.
GOB BLUTH
So? What do you think? It used to be a "2 Hour Teeth," the whole place.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Yeah, I remember the screams.
GOB BLUTH
I guess it was the "90 Minute Tooth" guys across the street that put the two hour guys out of business.
GOB BLUTH
But I did see that the old Blockbuster is now becoming an "Hour Mouth," so those guys have got to be shitting themselves!
MICHAEL BLUTH
Gob, why did you move the business? This is exactly the same.
GOB BLUTH
Says the guy who hasn't seen the roof of the Rite Aid yet!
JOANIE BEARD
Where's the nitrous?
MICHAEL BLUTH
This will not be used as the conference room?
GOB BLUTH
Uh, no, I had to, kind of, had to move it just, uh, for a couple reasons, actually.
GOB BLUTH
A, I wanted a bigger office.
GOB BLUTH

MICHAEL BLUTH
That feels like maybe the heart of it.
GOB BLUTH
Yeah, it really is but, uh. Hey, check out that view. 
MICHAEL BLUTH
Boy, what's a bike tire doing on the roof of the Rite Aid?
GOB BLUTH
Yeah, that's the fourteen-thousand-dollar-a-month question, isn't it?
MICHAEL BLUTH
When- When they said that you were the president of the Bluth Company, I just assumed that it was in name only. That they hired you to actually work seems wrong.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Do you even know what a mortgage is?
GOB BLUTH

ADHIR
No, he doesn't. He doesn't know anything. You do though. You're the smart Bluth, I can see it in your eyes. You read, don't you?
GOB BLUTH
And here is a holdover from the Austero Company. He's our compliant officer. Or as I like to call him, Chief Worry Wart.
GOB BLUTH
Cha-cha?
ADHIR
It's "Compliance Officer."
GOB BLUTH
Mm-hmm.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Uh, hey, uh, so y-y-you worked for the Austero Company? They forgave a big debt of mine. How would I get a hold of Lucille Austero?
ADHIR
No one knows, I'm afraid.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Okay.
GOB BLUTH
That's it, go to your office, Adhir. He's the chief compliant officer, so he has to do whatever I comply.
ADHIR

MICHAEL BLUTH
I'm assuming that's where the conference table went.
GOB BLUTH
It's probably too big for that room too, and I would get it out, but I can't quite remember how I got it in there.
MICHAEL BLUTH
So, like you, I'm about to go underwater, but before I go, I'd like to give you some advice. You're not good at this.
GOB BLUTH
Yeah, I know. But it's important to Dad. And you want to know the thanks I'm getting?
MICHAEL BLUTH
Mm.
GOB BLUTH
Dad is giving a trophy to Lindsay, not me, for the family of the year ceremony tonight.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Mm. Great, well, listen, you know, Dad didn't get a trophy for doing what you're doing, and he actually did it.
GOB BLUTH
Well, that's not the worst way to make Dad love me.
GOB BLUTH
I will get a trophy for Dad for s something.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Mm.
GOB BLUTH
Figure that out later.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Yeah, Dad's never going to give you what you're looking for, Gob. And maybe that's how it should be. Maybe when when sons grow up, they're not supposed to be too close to their fathers, you know? And, and maybe the-the best thing a father can do for his son is-is-is disappear for a while and, and let him figure out what kind of man he wants to be on his own. At least, that's what I've tried to do.
GOB BLUTH
Then why did you move into your son's dorm room?
MICHAEL BLUTH
That was a year, okay? And not even a full year, because I got there at Thanksgiving. Okay, well, good-bye forever, Gob.
GOB BLUTH
I'll be seeing you tonight.
RON HOWARD
And so, Michael returned to the model home to get his scuba equipment. Before he left town, he thought he'd take one last look at his son's childhood bedroom.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Oh. George Michael?
TOBIAS FUNKE
Father! It's me, George Michael!
MICHAEL BLUTH

TOBIAS FUNKE
Think fast!
MICHAEL BLUTH
Tobias.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Michael. Yes, well, this is embarrassing. Not only are you finding me in your son's pants, but you're also finding out how the sausage is made.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I- I don't understand a thing you just said.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Well, I was doing some character work for, um aI'm doing a little character work to prepare for the awards ceremony- How did-?
TOBIAS FUNKE
Why do they only have one?
TOBIAS FUNKE
Yes. Oh, oh! Okay, no, back.
MICHAEL BLUTH
All right?
MICHAEL BLUTH
Mm.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Oh! Um.
MICHAEL BLUTH
There you go.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Just an acting exercise, really.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Sure, I got it. You're supposed to be George Michael now?
TOBIAS FUNKE
Oh, well, it's a character role, really, and let's face it, no one was buying me as a straight man.
MICHAEL BLUTH
It was- It was a little off-brand.
TOBIAS FUNKE
I'm just trying to find my place in the Bluth family. Now that, uh, Lucille's almost done with me as her therapist, and Lindsay has... what does Gwyneth Paltrow say... uh, consciously uncuckold me.
MICHAEL BLUTH
You want to stay a part of the Bluth family?
TOBIAS FUNKE

TOBIAS FUNKE
I have a feeling you do too. Despite your claims of leaving.
MICHAEL BLUTH
No, no, it's not a claim, I'm leaving.
TOBIAS FUNKE
You always seem to be. 
MICHAEL BLUTH
Well, I'm doing it. I'm going to map the ocean floor.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Michael, if I could put my therapist leggings on for one sec and just Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit sit sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit sit. Sit.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Sure.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Tobias, please.
TOBIAS FUNKE
I would just say that you're trying to run away from people before they have a chance to run away from you because that's what the people you love do. Isn't it?
MICHAEL BLUTH
What people?
TOBIAS FUNKE
Your wife.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Uh.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Your son. Or should I say me.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Don't, uh you know.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Why'd Mommy leave Daddy?
MICHAEL BLUTH
Tobias.
TOBIAS FUNKE
I didn't leave, I loved you both
MICHAEL BLUTH
I don't think you want to go there, okay?
TOBIAS FUNKE
Yes, yes, yes, I suppose I did start too high. Okay, let's bring everyone down an octave. Why did Mommy leave, Daddy?
MICHAEL BLUTH
Tobias.
TOBIAS FUNKE
I didn't leave, I loved you both. Oh see?
MICHAEL BLUTH
Listen, buddy, hey. Listen, listen.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I-I don't want you playing my son and, and I'm not confused at all about what happened to Tracy.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Really? Because you certainly never talk about it.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Mm-hmm. Well, I was raising a son. You think I want to burden him with memories that are going to make him feel even worse?
TOBIAS FUNKE
Please. What about Michael's memories? Why can't you go back to the last place you saw Tracy? Hmm?
MICHAEL BLUTH
The family beach cottage?
TOBIAS FUNKE
No, no, I was thinking more, uh-uh, metaphorically.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Yeah, but that's where we spent the last few months of her life and-and-and after she died, the family sold that house. It was one of the kindest things that-that they ever did for me. Do you- Do you think I should go back there?
TOBIAS FUNKE
Uh my number one rule is "don't tell Michael what to do." Now, um, I will say though, I wish I had known you'd had such depth before I gave your part away to a less experienced actor.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I didn't know there was such a thing.
MURPHY
Oh, get your stuff. We're out of here.
TOBIAS FUNKE
And where are we going, father?
MURPHY
Nowhere. I was just practicing the new skit. Remember the line where he says, "Get your stuff?”
TOBIAS FUNKE
I'm improv'ing, you over-intending schmactor. This is the simplest character in the entire family. He has one personality trait. He always comes back. Well, that and he always has his hands in his pockets. What do you got peanuts in there?
MICHAEL BLUTH
Why am I staying here for this?
MURPHY
Why can't I just be your son?
TOBIAS FUNKE
Oh, there is no son anymore. He cut the part. And I can't be your father, I'm not a straight man.
RON HOWARD
Why are we staying here for this?
TOBIAS FUNKE
Hey! Let's get those pockets filled with peanuts.
RON HOWARD
Anyway, Michael, his haste to leave town, arrived at the dock for his ocean floor mapping expedition...
MICHAEL BLUTH
Hello there! Michael Bluth here.
RON HOWARD
for what he was certain was a six bells departure.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Right on time, huh?
SCUBA INSTRUCTOR
No, we leave at 6:00 p.m.
MICHAEL BLUTH
You're telling me we've got a 14 bell delay?
SCUBA INSTRUCTOR
I don't know, man. We leave in seven hours.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Yeah. Okay. Oh.
RON HOWARD
And he was encouraged to use the time to try out his undersea camera survey equipment.
MICHAEL BLUTH
All right, let's have it. Great, look at that, huh?
RON HOWARD
And once in the water, Michael felt like he was finally able to let go of the past and forget about everything he was leaving behind.
RON HOWARD
George Michael, meanwhile, felt no such peace. Although he was surprised that his evasive run-in with his father...
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
There's enough of these for this to be a thing?
RON HOWARD
was less dramatic than he recalled. And he sought out Maeby at what she'd said was her new place.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Hello.
ROSE
Looking for grandparent?
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
No, thank you. I Mm, no, I have enough. I'm, uh, I think I might be at the wrong address, actually. I'm looking for someone who I cannot imagine meets your residency requirements here.
MAEBY FUNKE
Rose, he's fine, it's all right. He's with me.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
This is where you're living? A senior center?
MAEBY FUNKE
Yeah, just wait. Hey, Rose, do you mind?
MAEBY FUNKE
Yeah, I needed somewhere to lay low until the Perfecto thing blew over.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
I know, but you said this place was incredible.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
This place is incredible.
MAEBY FUNKE
Right?
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
But why's the lobby so off-putting?
MAEBY FUNKE
That's just what the seniors do to keep the young people away. You know, they don't want these "dotcommers" taking over.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Like you and me.
MAEBY FUNKE
Exactly.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
So how were you able to get in?
MAEBY FUNKE
Well, when I came back from Mexico, I found a parking pass in Lucille 2's Cadillac, right? And apparently she kept a place for these trysts with old lovers from, like, years ago. Or they were like co-owners or something. But, they just kept it here empty until one of them needed it. So that was lucky. I just had to make myself look older, you know?
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Yeah, I would think that that'd be a great use of the grey wig.
MAEBY FUNKE
No, I went down that road.
RON HOWARD
But wasn't expecting how upsetting to see one's self grow old. The moment when a young woman realizes.
MAEBY FUNKE
Oh my God, I've become my father.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Oh, so this is a choice. Okay, I didn't want to say anything, but I was like, Maeby looks like a 65-year-old.
MAEBY FUNKE
What if I told you I was 75?
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Holy shit. You look fantastic.
MAEBY FUNKE
Right? It's the teeth. It's the same guy who's doing my meth teeth, you know, for the family of the year thing. You know, that's when where our writers speak for my mom, and she talks about how great I am and then.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Oh, and then you open your mouth and you're like, "So why do I have to turn tricks for meth money?"
MAEBY FUNKE
Mm-hmm.
MAEBY FUNKE

GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
I don't know how you keep all your scams straight.
MAEBY FUNKE
Well, this old lady one is a big, big score. I mean, when people catch on, they either forget or they die. 
MAEBY FUNKE
I mean, and this place is a dream. Nobody even locks their doors. Of course, what is there to steal? A few barstools and some family pictures?
MAEBY FUNKE
Anyway, that's how I got those barstools and all these great pictures of grandkids.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
What a beautiful family you've stolen. What are you going to do if Lucille 2 or the friend that she owns this place with shows up?
MAEBY FUNKE
He kind of already has.
RON HOWARD
Maeby had only been in the place for a week and had spent most of that time trying to trap a swan in her condo.
MAEBY FUNKE
Come on come on. Yep. In the house. Oh come on, get in there, what's your problem? It's tuna.
RON HOWARD
When she came across a stranger, whom long-time viewers will be mildly surprised to recognize is Stan Sitwell.
STAN SITWELL
Oh.
STAN SITWELL
Hello.
RON HOWARD
But whom Maeby didn't recognize.
MAEBY FUNKE
Hello.
STAN SITWELL
Do you live in one of these?
MAEBY FUNKE
This one's mine, yes.
STAN SITWELL
Oh, that's strange. Do you realize this condo is listed as Lucille Austero's?
MAEBY FUNKE
Yes. I am her sister. I am her sister. No, you're going the wrong way.
STAN SITWELL
Annette?
MAEBY FUNKE
Oh, that's a great idea. Do you think they have one?
STAN SITWELL
Have what?
MAEBY FUNKE
Annette. Yes, that's me. And you are?
STAN SITWELL
Stan.
MAEBY FUNKE
Mm.
STAN SITWELL
I must admit I'm a little confused right now. Our agreement was that this place would revert back to me once Lucille.
STAN SITWELL
gave up her interest.
MAEBY FUNKE
Well, I don't know anything about that. She signed it over to me.
STAN SITWELL
I'd like to see that paperwork.
MAEBY FUNKE
Yes. Well, I recently moved here from New Orleans, and I.
RON HOWARD
Maeby was particularly proud of this lie.
MAEBY FUNKE
lost all my personal paperwork in Hurricane Cantina.
STAN SITWELL
Ooh. That's complicated.
MAEBY FUNKE
Yes. It is. Unless I'm expected to lose a home for the second time.
MAEBY FUNKE
Of course, I could just pack up my shortie shorts, my silky pajamas, my peek-a-boo bras, my tickler's sex knobs and lacy hoo-ha's and hit the road.
STAN SITWELL
Well, I can't ask you to do that.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
So this place is all yours?
MAEBY FUNKE
Not yet, but maybe I'll kick him out sooner than later. Maybe I'll kick him out once he gets off that goddamn chair.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
What? Th- That's him right there?
MAEBY FUNKE
Yeah.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Why aren't we whispering?
MAEBY FUNKE
Oh. He can't hear a thing. He's got horrible aids.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Oh, hearing aids.
MAEBY FUNKE
Yeah, yeah. Here they call them aids.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Yeah.
MAEBY FUNKE
The other ones they call aids. Don't worry if he asks who you are, I'll just tell him you're Tom Collins. He's always asking for a Tom Collins.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Believe me, I'm in over my head enough as it is being George Maharis.
MAEBY FUNKE
Mm.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Which is what I wanted to talk to you about. So I told my Dad that I was still dating Rebel and.
MAEBY FUNKE
What? Why'd you do that?
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
You told me to do it. It was your idea.
MAEBY FUNKE
Mm-mm.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
I mean, I still haven't even seen her since I punched him.
MAEBY FUNKE
No, no, no. I told you that your dad is still in love with Rebel. And that telling him you haven't seen her would just be more hurtful.
MAEBY FUNKE
You're the one who perverted that into a way to not hurt him.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Well, and then I had to turn down this scuba trip, which is also rude, and if he finds out about Rebel he's going to say, "You lied to me, George Michael, and that's worse."
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
But you know he's going to say "And that's worse."
MAEBY FUNKE
Look, you would've had to lie about the scuba thing anyway, 'cause you would've been too scared.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Why do you say I'm scared of scuba? I'm not scared of scuba.
MAEBY FUNKE
You passed out at the aquarium.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Well, they make you feel like you're underwater with all these giant.
MAEBY FUNKE
Dolphins?
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
I still think that was some kind of smiling, kind of bemused baby shark.
MAEBY FUNKE
Mm.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
I don't know, things are just very volatile with my dad right now. It feels very combustible.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Feels like we're on the edge of physical menace or something, which, fortunately, I've trained myself for but... has he been training, too? Who was that in the hallway?
MAEBY FUNKE
Look. Here's my advice. Okay. You go to Rebel's, you take my bag of lazy ticklers, hoo-ha bras, dog toys and sex knobs with you.
MAEBY FUNKE
And you act like you're expecting a booty call, as the old people think the young people say. All right?
MAEBY FUNKE
You tell her, "I'm just here for a quickie and then I'm getting out of here." Mr. Brash. And she'll drop you like a buttered cane.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
Is that something old people say?
MAEBY FUNKE
Yeah, I'm trying to get it going.
RON HOWARD
George Michael's father, meanwhile, had drifted farther south than he realized, despite swimming with a GPS system that cost roughly as much as Buster's left thumb.
GEORGE MICHAEL BLUTH
That's cool.
RON HOWARD
And he soon found himself on a part of the beach he hadn't been to in over 20 years.
WOMAN ON BEACH
I love that house.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Yeah, my family used to own it back in the 80s.
WOMAN ON BEACH
Too bad they sold it, it's worth a fortune now.
MICHAEL BLUTH
My wife died there. Ovarian cancer, actually.
WOMAN ON BEACH
It's not true. He's a liar, ignore him. He shouldn't have said that.
MICHAEL BLUTH
And uh
MICHAEL BLUTH
All right. Good to see you.
RON HOWARD
And Michael decided that perhaps Tobias was right.
RON HOWARD
Perhaps he did need to look the grim truth of mortality in the face.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Oh, shit, he found out.
RON HOWARD
Michael had just discovered his family never sold their family cottage.
MICHAEL BLUTH
lied to me. And that's worse. I am stunned. I just I literally said it would be so great if my family had kept the cottage.
LUCILLE BLUTH
We did.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I know. You shouldn't have.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Well then, either way you're unhappy. I mean, pick a lane.
MICHAEL BLUTH
You pick you pick a lane.
LUCILLE BLUTH
What did you want us to do, Michael? It was a horrible time for the housing market.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Were we supposed to lose our precious daughter-in-law and a couple hundred grand in the same year?
MICHAEL BLUTH
Uh, why didn't you just tell me?
LUCILLE BLUTH
Because we love you. And nobody wanted your feelings hurt.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Mm.
LUCILLE BLUTH
That was rule one.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Rule one?
LUCILLE BLUTH
It- It- It slid down a little when we put in the new floors and by that point, you were already dating and in love with that total re that totally lovely Rita.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Uh, she was a smart cookie, that one.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Nice try, Mom.
LUCILLE BLUTH
And we didn't want to bring up those bad old memories. Besides, this place already has enough bad ones for me.
LUCILLE BLUTH
My mother died here. Gob was born here. And I'm sure you've heard, it was also your father's pad.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Only from the next room.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Please believe me, if I could turn back time, I never would've answered that door.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I know.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Were you slightly worried that I might come out here one day, Mom?
LUCILLE BLUTH
Honestly, I never thought you'd get past the guard gate. I could barely get past them when Tobias and I got here.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Tobias. You know, he- he's the one that put coming out here in my mind in the first place.
LUCILLE BLUTH
He what?
TOBIAS FUNKE
As a metaphor.
LUCILLE BLUTH
You're out.
TOBIAS FUNKE
But I've already pinged away my sideburns to play Buster at the family of the year ceremony tonight. And Buster's already invited a date.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Come-come out and meet your boyfriend, Lucille.
MURPHY

TOBIAS FUNKE
Murph?
TOBIAS FUNKE
Oh, I see you've finally figured out how to use that contraption.
MURPHY
I'm on the phone. Just one second.
TOBIAS FUNKE
What?
MURPHY
I'm talking on the phone.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Who are you talking to?
MURPHY
 Didn't you tell me I was supposed to be busting with my girlfriend?
TOBIAS FUNKE
I said you're Buster's girlfriend.
MURPHY
Oh. Hang on.
TOBIAS FUNKE
But yeah.
MURPHY
Wait. Wait, so where am I supposed to do you want me to be am I your boyfriend?
TOBIAS FUNKE
No! You are- I'm- A girl. You're a girl, Linds, uh, Murphy B- eh, Lucille.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Is he supposed to be me?
TOBIAS FUNKE
Uh-uh-uh, Lucille number two. She's quite the grand dame. It's- It's basically Michael without the peanut pockets.
TOBIAS FUNKE
You know, you're playing her like you played that stammering mess of a Buster and it-it won't do. Sometimes I-I don't even think that you want to be an actor.
MURPHY
If I wanted to be honest with you, actually, sometimes I think I want to be a dog doctor. Ow!
TOBIAS FUNKE
This is the role of a lifetime. Now, I know 50 gentlemen who would tuck their last nut to play this part, okay? Now... he saves it for the day.
TOBIAS FUNKE
When you see him at the campaign event, you'll think you're looking at a 72-year-old pink mustachioed Lucille Austero.
LUCILLE BLUTH
I can't have Lucille Austero there.
TOBIAS FUNKE
We can't have Lucille Austero there.
LUCILLE BLUTH
She's running against Lindsay, for God's sake.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Oh, my God!
LUCILLE BLUTH
I don't even know why I'm having this conversation. You're out! We don't even need a Buster.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Well, at least you're being honest about that. So you admit you've got Buster.
LUCILLE BLUTH
This again? Why would I hide Buster from you?
MICHAEL BLUTH
Because you want me to think that he's missing. You're trying to teach me a lesson. You're trying to get even with me because I'm trying to teach.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I don't- I don't know. I don't know why you're trying to teach me a lesson, so lesson not learned, mother.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Michael, did you do something for which we should be teaching you a lesson?
GOB BLUTH
M-Mother.
MICHAEL BLUTH
He's here, isn't he? Tell me he's not in that bedroom, not where Tracy.
LUCILLE BLUTH
You don't want to go in there.
MICHAEL BLUTH
spent her last.
MICHAEL BLUTH

GOB BLUTH
Oh, someone told Michael. Does this mean we can start leaving towels on the floor?
MICHAEL BLUTH
What are you doing?
GOB BLUTH
I'm making this into a trophy for Dad.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Well, I can't wait to see the one you got yourself.
GOB BLUTH
Uh, yeah, Michael, please. I'm the president or CEO or whatever of the Bluth Company.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Mm.
GOB BLUTH
I control the company checkbook. So I don't need false things to make me feel important.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Okay.
GOB BLUTH
There's no trophy for that.
RON HOWARD
Although he did visit a trophy store earlier that day.
GOB BLUTH
It's a good time to be in this business, huh? Everyone gets a trophy. 
TROPHY SALESMAN
No, I tell people to stay away from the trophy business. It's always been a lousy business, and these days everybody... shops online.
GOB BLUTH
body gets a trophy. A trophy, huh? Yeah. Well, that may be, but tell me this, how many people get a whole trophy store?
GOB BLUTH
Oh yeah.
TROPHY SALESMAN
Wha uh, you can't be serious.
GOB BLUTH
So the guy was like, are you shitting me?
MICHAEL BLUTH
Right. Well, that's usually the sign that you've made yourself a great deal.
GOB BLUTH
So I told him, I'm going to need you to cobble together one last trophy, Old Trophy Cobbler.
GOB BLUTH
For the family of the year ceremony tonight. And I said I want you to find the biggest golden anchor you can find.
MICHAEL BLUTH
So they didn't have one of those?
GOB BLUTH
No, he didn't even have keys to the back room. Also, that he doesn't turn off.
GOB BLUTH
But this only took a couple hours so once I give this to Dad, then I'll have Joanie Beard give me the deed to the trophy store. Wait till you see it, Michael.
MICHAEL BLUTH

MICHAEL BLUTH
I'm not going to be there. Oh, uh let me ask you a question and I want you to be honest with me. Are you doing something with Busty?
RON HOWARD
Michael was referring to his missing brother Buster. But Gob, who hadn't been with a woman since he'd gotten closer to this man.
GOB BLUTH
Yeah, I was wondering what you were going to pop out of.
RON HOWARD
I mean this one.
TONY
Vamonos!
RON HOWARD
thought that when Michael said Busty, he was referring to this woman.
JOANIE BEARD
Where's the nitrous?
RON HOWARD
Whom he really hadn't done much fooling with at all. Which is why he answered eventually.
GOB BLUTH
Yes.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Got my answer. You really don't care about your children's feelings, do you?
LUCILLE BLUTH
Oh, you're one to give parenting lessons. I hear I'm not the only one whose son has a nasty left hook.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Hmm, yeah, well.
MICHAEL BLUTH
You know, at least he did something that we have not been able to do. He stood up for himself when his father was wrong.
MICHAEL BLUTH
In fact, it's- it might be the thing that I'm most proud of him for. Hope he knows that.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Uh, he definitely does not.
MICHAEL BLUTH
What's that?
TOBIAS FUNKE
Uh, I just saw him, uh, heard him rather at the model home when I was on my way out.
MICHAEL BLUTH
George Michael was at the model home?
TOBIAS FUNKE
Well, if it wasn't him, it was somebody who certainly did a heck of a lot better impression of him than me. 
MICHAEL BLUTH
Well-Well, that could be anyone.
TOBIAS FUNKE
Well.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Good-bye forever.
LUCILLE BLUTH
See you tonight.
TOBIAS FUNKE
See you tonight.
MICHAEL BLUTH
See you tonight.
RON HOWARD
So Michael changed and raced to the model home.
GEORGE BLUTH SR

RON HOWARD
But his hope for an emotional father-son reunion.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Hey, George Michael. Hey. I'm sorry if things got.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Are you crying? Hey
RON HOWARD
were ruined.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Hey.
RON HOWARD
by an emotional father-son reunion.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Oh, Dad. Come on, really?
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Hey. Tonight's the big night. Family of the year day.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Pops, what are you doing in George Michael's bed?
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Oh just a little, just a little weep and sleep. You know.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Uh-huh.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Yeah. Want to be the big man so can't do it at the office, obviously and Lindsay's at the penthouse and I can't go to the cot.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Well, we don't, we only we only have the penthouse.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Mm.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
so I-I, uh, I came here.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I know about the cottage.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
I hated that rule.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Okay.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Michael?
MICHAEL BLUTH
Hm.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
I hated both rules.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Oh, yeah the towels.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Can I ask you a question? How did you get past the guard gate?
MICHAEL BLUTH
I came from the water.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
I knew it. I told her, I told her, "He's going to take us from the beach." Well, I am glad, I am glad you did. Yeah, it's just your mother and her rules.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
And I hated no sand in the living room. I mean, why have a beach house if... every member of the family can't enjoy it?
MICHAEL BLUTH
You look like you're not enjoying anything right now. You all right?
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Yeah. Here's the deal. Your mom and I are, we're not together. We're not together in the, uh, in the, uh, well I guess in, uh, every meaning of that word.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I- I assumed that but, uh, eh, w-why aren't you enjoying that?
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Because your mom is being courted, Michael. Someone is fawning all over her.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I knew she had Buster.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
No.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I knew it.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
This one's not Buster. I mean, I wish that guy was Buster. Him, I could fight, you know, you see this guy got past me. How can your mother do this to me?
GEORGE BLUTH SR
I knew I should've sold that property when Stacy died.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Tracy.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Uh, no-no-no, we-we would've lost a fortune if we sold when Tracy died.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
No, Stacy was the paralegal I used to bring out there who went into insulin shock at the very height of the market.
GEORGE BLUTH SR

MICHAEL BLUTH
Sad.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
How can she do this to me?
MICHAEL BLUTH
Yeah.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
How can your mother do this?
RON HOWARD
Actually, she hadn't done anything yet. But a few weeks earlier at the cottage.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Just tell Mr. Cool to relax. When my daughter wins this election, we're gonna be wall-to-wall-wall. That's it!
RON HOWARD
a nuisance washed up on her beach.
DUSTY
You know I smashed my phone a couple years ago too. With a hammer. Never missed it. Missed the hammer, but I guess that's why God made rocks.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Fine. But God made those rocks and put them in front of my cottage for me, so let's just leave them there.
DUSTY
I know the law pretty well and I can pick up any rock I want.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Well, what do you use those for, anyway, Sand Hippie? Making a yoga garden?
DUSTY
Nope. I throw them at people that got no business being on this part of the beach.
RON HOWARD
He had done so for years.
NEWS ANCHOR
Van Halen was in town this weekend rocking audiences. But some beachgoers are getting rocked in a different way. By a group calling themselves The Newport Bay Boys.
RON HOWARD
In what started as a cool rich kid surfer gang that had been possessive about Newport's most beautiful cove
DUSTY
Get out of here! Locals only, dude!
DUSTY'S FRIEND 2
Yeah!
DUSTY
Yeah! Hell yeah!
NEWS ANCHOR
Nirvana was in town this weekend rocking audiences. But some beachgoers are getting rocked in a different way.
RON HOWARD
and soon became a group of kind of hip middle-aged surfer men, defending their coastline.
DUSTY'S FRIEND 1
 You're not welcome here! Get out of here!
NEWS ANCHOR
50 Cent was in town this weekend rocking audiences, but some beachgoers were getting rocked in a different way.
DUSTY
I think we're good, guys. They're gone.
DUSTY'S FRIEND 1
That's right, Dusty.
DUSTY'S FRIEND 3
Yeah, Dusty.
DUSTY'S FRIEND 2
Tell them, Dusty.
DUSTY
I'm Dusty.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Well, that's a nice way to say it. But let's not make a habit of this, shall we? Now take your bucket full of rocks and be gone.
RON HOWARD
But a habit of it, he did make.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Hey.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Hey, get off my beach, you stupid seagulls.
LUCILLE BLUTH
Oh, hi. Care to join me for a glass of breakfast wine?
RON HOWARD
And before long they were in the first stages of a beautiful, I'm going to say, early October-late November relationship.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
I mean, he's attracted to her. He's attracted to her.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I'm sorry, why would he be attracted to her if he's blind? And how did he burn off his fingertips?
GEORGE BLUTH SR
I have no idea what you're talking about.
MICHAEL BLUTH
I-I may have added the fingertips. I may have added the fingertips because I assume if he's blind he's got to feel her face. But y-you-you said you never saw him touch her face?
GEORGE BLUTH SR
I never said he was blind.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Look, I'm sure it's nothing. It's probably just some harmless one-way flirting.
MICHAEL BLUTH
You know, or a Russian prank show.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Yeah.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Maybe I deserve it, you know, because I can't, uh, I can't deliver the goods. Ah, I shouldn't have lied to you, Michael.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Well, I'm not one to judge. You know, look, I just I just told my son that I broke up with the woman that he's seeing and in retrospect, I don't know, maybe she did not hear, "I'm leaving," when I said, uh, "I ain't going nowhere."
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Sounds like a good-bye forever to me.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Right? But if she tells my son, uh, what I said, you know what he's going to say next time I see him. Uh, “You lied, and that's worse.“
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Yeah, you know, they- they can't wait to say stuff like that.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Oh, yeah? Well, I got to tell her that that's the last she's going to see of me.
GEORGE BLUTH SR
Yep. At least it won't destroy her life like your mother did mine.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Yep. You going to be okay here?
GEORGE BLUTH SR
I ain't going nowhere.
MICHAEL BLUTH
Perfect.
GEORGE BLUTH SR