CHRIS_DIMOND DONNA DR_LOMBARD HARVEY JESSICA JUDGE_TIMBERS LOUIS MICHAEL MIKE RACHEL RINALDI SCOTTIE SHEILA SIMON RACHEL Mm. Mm. What are you thinking about? MIKE You look beautiful. RACHEL Thank you. MIKE What are you thinking? RACHEL That your furniture is really old. MIKE I think the word you’re looking for is “antiquey”. RACHEL That is not a word and this sofa is Ikea circa 1994. MIKE Okay, I get it. So, you get up early just so you can do a thorough critiquing of my furniture. RACHEL Actually, I got up early so I could figure out if there’s anything from around here that I can stand living with. MIKE As… Do you want to move in together? RACHEL Yeah. I mean, if the offer still stands. MIKE Are you kidding me? RACHEL So, is that a yes? MIKE Oh. No, this is a yes. RACHEL I figured out what we can bring. MIKE What? RACHEL You. MIKE Panda. Right here. It’s my favorite piece of art. RACHEL That is not art. MIKE Grammy gave that to me. RACHEL Oh, I love it. Panda can come. MIKE And the chair. RACHEL Oh. MIKE That was Grammy’s favorite chair. RACHEL I… I don’t… MIKE No, no, no, no. I’m telling you, Rachel. She used to sit in that chair every Sunday and drink her hot cup of Hershey’s cocoa and tell me all about growing up on the mean streets of Philadelphia. RACHEL When you lie, try less details. MIKE Got it. SCOTTIE Looking for me? HARVEY No. The woman I’m looking for is a lot more in my bed. SCOTTIE What can I say? My schedule stops for no man. HARVEY Yes. But we’ve got a little unfinished business. SCOTTIE I wouldn’t call last night unfinished. HARVEY And I wouldn’t call it business. I was talking about breakfast. SCOTTIE Harvey Specter makes breakfast? HARVEY You’ve never heard of the Specter Special? SCOTTIE I think I just had the Specter Special. HARVEY Oh, no, no, no. The Specter Special is… SCOTTIE Let me guess. It’s two eggs over easy with a side of, “Scottie, I want you in my life.” HARVEY Bacon. And now, I’m reconsidering the in-my-life thing. SCOTTIE Oh, no. I saw your face. You had your serious face on. Scottie. I want you in my life. Scottie. I want you in my life. HARVEY You know what? You don’t deserve my bacon. SCOTTIE Well, that’s fine, because I have to go, anyway. HARVEY Where could you have to go? You’re unemployed. SCOTTIE Actually, a top tier law firm offered me a job last night, and I thought it might be best if I negotiate the terms of my agreement with the partner I’m not sleeping with. HARVEY There’s a slight problem with that plan. JESSICA You offered her a job before talking to me? HARVEY I didn’t offer her a job. I asked her if she wanted one. I didn’t want to waste your time. And for the record, we’d be lucky to have her. JESSICA I know that. But my question isn’t why I should want her here. It’s why you would want her here. HARVEY She’s the best lawyer I know. After me. And you. JESSICA Are you sleeping with her? HARVEY Excuse me? JESSICA You have history with this woman. So, I just want to know. Are you doing this because you feel sorry for her or because you want to pay her back or because you love her or what? HARVEY That’s none of your business. JESSICA It is my business. It is literally my business. HARVEY I want a relationship with her. JESSICA I’m happy for you. I hope you two make a run at it. HARVEY Thanks. I’ll pretend you meant that. JESSICA Your track record isn’t great. HARVEY You’ve had three name partners in two years. Let’s talk about your commitment issues. JESSICA I’m not asking you to give my commitment issues a corner office. HARVEY You don’t need to give her a corner office. Any regular office will do. JESSICA Harvey. I get it. She’s a catch. For you and for this firm. But what happens when you two break up? HARVEY Who says we’re going to break up? MIKE Foreman vs. Heart Med. I want it. HARVEY Good morning, Harvey. What can I do for you today today? MIKE I’m serious. They’re pushing for a settlement because they know our client can afford it. HARVEY I know they are. MIKE You haven’t even looked at the file. HARVEY My name is on the door. You think I don’t know our cases? MIKE So, why are we settling? HARVEY Because regardless of the merits of this case, it’s not worth our time. MIKE HARVEY, listen. HARVEY Heart Med’s in-house lawyer negotiated this because the bad “p.r.” costs them more than the settlement. We’d have to get the thing dismissed to make it worth it, and that’s not going to happen. MIKE The lawyer is Nick Rinaldi. HARVEY Who the hell is Nick Rinaldi? MIKE You don’t remember? I was eleven years old, a little boy, powerless… I watched him boil my parents’ lives down to a few dollars. HARVEY Yes. MIKE I’m not going to let that piece of shit get a penny from us. HARVEY I said yes. MIKE Thanks, Harvey. HARVEY You want to thank me, why don’t you go beat the shit out of this guy? LOUIS Monday. Two twenty p.m. LOUIS This conundrum is burning a hole in my brain. Think. Logically. I mean, Sheila is professional and meticulous and wonderfully anal. And if she says that nothing gets misplaced in her inner sanctum, then I believe her. Which leaves the national security option. Is Mike Ross c.i.a.?Please, there’s a better chance of Esther in the K.G.B. I mean, I could ask Sheila, if I’m no longer fond of my testicles.Which… Wait a second. Missing testicles, missing file. It can’t be missing if it doesn’t exist. Holy shit. What if Mike Ross never went to Harvard at all? What if he just went to some crappy, third tier, law school like Fordham or Arizona State. Yeah. Hey, bro. Yeah, no, I’ll see you at the party. I’m not going to study for the bar.Damn straight. That’s right. Bro’s before ho’s. Oh, yeah, you know. Alright, that’s enough. He’s been peeing directly into our pristine pool of eliteness. He’s been. Oh, shit, it’s blinking out. Norma, really quickly, I need you to get a pack of rechargeable triple “A”… Shit, it’s stopped. So, I guess I was talking to myself. JESSICA Harvey convinced me, so let’s get to it. SCOTTIE I want a relocation fee. JESSICA Done. SCOTTIE And a ten percent increase on my signing bonus. JESSICA Seven. SCOTTIE You gave Harvey ten percent. JESSICA Do you think you’re worth as much as Harvey? SCOTTIE I’m less of a pain in the ass. JESSICA Ten percent it is. Now, no one ever opens with the big stuff, so why don’t you tell me what you’re really after? SCOTTIE You know what I’m after. JESSICA The name of the firm is Pearson Specter. It’s changed too many times and it’s not going to change again. SCOTTIE Never? JESSICA I never say never. SCOTTIE That’s all I’m looking for. JESSICA Of course. After all, who knows where any of us will be in a few years? You, me, Harvey … SCOTTIE I think we just changed the subject. JESSICA We did. Now, it’s time for me to tell you what I’m really after. SCOTTIE You want to know how committed I am to Harvey. JESSICA I want to know how committed you are to me. SCOTTIE How serious are you? HARVEY About what? SCOTTIE Me. HARVEY We had this conversation. SCOTTIE We had this conversation before it was going to cost me five hundred thousand dollars. HARVEY JESSICA’s making you pay the buy-in up front. SCOTTIE Yep. HARVEY Shit. What did you say? SCOTTIE Well, I said I don’t want to pay a Harvey Specter girlfriend tax. HARVEY You’re not exactly paying a tax. You’re just buying in early. SCOTTIE HARVEY, there’s a reason that firms are designed to have a six-month trial period. HARVEY Yeah, to see if it’s going to work out. SCOTTIE Exactly. HARVEY Which you don’t think it will. SCOTTIE I’m saying that I need to know what “I want you in my life” really means. HARVEY You know what it means. It means I want to have a relationship.But it doesn’t mean that I’m ready to give you a ring. SCOTTIE You think I’m ready for a ring from you? HARVEY Then, what are you ready for? SCOTTIE I’m ready for it not to cost me a half million dollars if it doesn’t work out. HARVEY So, if it doesn’t, are you saying you’re going to leave? SCOTTIE Would you want me to stay? HARVEY I don’t even know what you’re going to do to break us up. SCOTTIE Harvey, I’m not kidding. I’m…I’m scared. You know, I just got an offer from Latham and Walkens in Chicago. And I don’t want to take it, but… I need to know that you’re serious about this. HARVEY Scottie. I am. SCOTTIE Yeah. But nobody’s asking you to put up half a million dollars. HARVEY Maybe we can make it so nobody’s asking you to do that either. MIKE Rinaldi. You remember me? RINALDI James and Nina Ross. MIKE That’s good. You finally know my parents’ names. What you maybe don’t know is that I’m a lawyer, I work for Pearson Specter, and we’re not going to be settling this Foreman suit. RINALDI We had an agreement. MIKE Yeah, maybe. But instead, we’re going to be filing this. RINALDI There is no way you’re getting this case dismissed. MIKE You know, I actually wanted to believe that whole sob story about being reformed, but… RINALDI My client is a widow, not a drunk driver. MIKE Oh. So, you don’t actually bully the little guy anymore, you just try and capitalize on him. RINALDI Do you even know the details of this case, or are you just coming after us because I’m on the other side? MIKE I’m coming after you because you’re a worthless ambulance chaser and I’m not going to let you take my client’s money. RINALDI This is the second time you’ve come after me from out of the blue. I apologized to you once. I’m will not apologize to you again. MIKE You don’t have to. And we’re not going to court because I’m going to prove you’re full of shit. HARVEY You ready for the deposition? MIKE Yeah. Of course I’m ready. HARVEY Your fly’s unzipped. MIKE No, it’s not. HARVEY Didn’t even flinch.That means you’re ready. MIKE Why are you still walking with me? HARVEY Because I’m coming to your deposition. MIKE Whoa, whoa. Hey. Hey. You said that I could take this case.You told me I could kick this guy’s ass. It’s my deposition, not yours. HARVEY I know. MIKE You know? Then, why are you babysitting me? HARVEY I’m not babysitting you. I want to watch you kill this guy.That’s why I brought snacks. MIKE You can’t bring peanuts into my deposition. HARVEY Why? MIKE It’s unprofessional. HARVEY So’s that tie. But I’ve made my peace with it. MIKE I don’t give a shit whether you’ve made your peace with it or not. You want in my room, you’re not bringing peanuts. HARVEY You really are ready. Here. DONNA What’s this? LOUIS Harvey’s interviews the day Mike Ross was hired. But Mike Ross isn’t on it. DONNA Where did you get this? LOUIS It doesn’t matter where I got it. The fact is I did. DONNA Are you asking me why Mike Ross isn’t on it? LOUIS Yeah, Donna, that’s precisely what I’m asking. How exactly did Harvey find him? DONNA We didn’t find him. He found us. LOUIS What are you talking about? DONNA Mike hadn’t signed up for the interview on time, so he pretended to be one of the other associates on the list. He talked his way past me and impressed the shit out of Harvey, whose main requirement was somebody who had the balls to do something like that in the first place. LOUIS Okay. What if he had the balls to do something a lot bigger than that? DONNA What are you talking about? LOUIS I think Mike Ross went to a subpar law school and has been lying about it the whole time. DONNA LOUIS, listen to yourself. You’re talking about Mike. You’re insane. LOUIS No, I’m… Okay, I was in the Harvard file room with Sheila. Don’t ask details. And I noticed Mike Ross’ file was not there. DONNA You specifically looked for his file? LOUIS Yes. And I looked for Harvey’s, too. And his was there. And by the way, he looked like a major douche. DONNA So you looked at a grand total of two files out of tens of thousands and this is the conclusion you jump to? What is wrong with you? LOUIS You don’t know Sheila. She’s like a surgeon, and the files are her patients. She doesn’t make mistakes. DONNA You told her about this? LOUIS Hell no. She told me not to touch any of those files. And she’d kill me if she found out that I did. I just asked her about it generally. DONNA Well, of course she’s going to say she never loses one. But I can tell you from personal experience, anything can happen to a file. LOUIS I don’t know. Donna Well, I do. I know Mike and I know he’s for real. But if you still doubt it, there’s an easy answer. Just call up Harvard and ask for a copy of his transcript. LOUIS And what if it’s not there? DONNA Then, I will apologize for calling you insane and personally help you escort Mike Ross out of the building. Goodbye. RINALDI In 2002, you were sued for the malfunctioning of an earlier model of the heart stent. Is that correct? CHRIS DIMOND Yes, and we admitted wrongdoing. The stent that was installed in your patient was a new model developed through three years of extensive trials. MIKE Making it outside the scope and frankly not a good argument for establishing pattern. They saw a problem and they fixed it. How horrible. We should sue them. RINALDI We’re not in court. Opening statements are made before a judge. Or have you never been in court before? MIKE I just wanted to give you a taste, seeing as we’re never actually going to get there. RINALDI A dismissal is never going to happen, son. I’m sorry for your loss, son. MIKE What? RINALDI I’m saying don’t hope for a dismissal. HARVEY Please direct your questions to our client. RINALDI That wasn’t a question, it was a comment. Here’s a question for you, Mr. Dimond. What is this really worth to you? You may think you have a defense. Your lawyer certainly thinks you do. But I just want to be clear about the facts. What is this really worth to you? There’s no question, this was a terrible accident. But let’s be clear about the facts. His blood alcohol level is an issue here. If you pursue this in court, there’s no guarantee you’ll receive anything. Think about the boy. Think about what he needs. Something is better than nothing. Stop stalling, Mr. Ross. MIKE Um… I… HARVEY He’s not stalling and we’re under no obligation to disclose trials from an earlier model. It’s beyond the scope. RINALDI Our expert will place that study within the scope. MIKE Um… I… HARVEY If there isn’t a trial, your expert won’t have any scope to place it in. And since you insist on asking questions we’re under no obligation to answer, this deposition is over. What the hell happened in there? MIKE You said you wanted to watch, not hijack my case. HARVEY And you said you were going to kick his ass, not drift into never-never land. MIKE I’m handling it. HARVEY Handling it? I could have eaten that whole bag of peanuts in the pause you took to answer that question. You got thrown and I bailed you out. MIKE HARVEY, this is my case. HARVEY This is not your case. It’s the client’s case. And after what happened in there, they’re in a worse position than when we started. MIKE Look, I know I got thrown. But I can still recover. HARVEY Maybe, but they’re going to call in a half an hour wanting to take the deal. And when they do, I’m going to buy you one day and then I’m pulling the plug. DONNA Hey. Do you have a minute? HARVEY I’m a little busy right now. DONNA We have a problem. HARVEY Scottie’s not going to be a problem. I thought it through. DONNA Louis might be onto Mike. He found out that Mike doesn’t have a file in the Harvard file room. And that he wasn’t on your original interview list. HARVEY What did you tell him? DONNA Well, I handled the list. HARVEY What about the other? DONNA What could I tell him? I mean, I told him if he was so curious, he could order a copy of Mike’s transcript. HARVEY Then, we don’t have a problem. DONNA Well, don’t you think maybe we should do something else? HARVEY Anything else is just going to make him more suspicious. DONNA Are you sure? HARVEY Yeah. I’m sure. Oh. Wait a second. Where did you say Louis was again? DONNA Oh. He was in the Harvard file room. HARVEY How was he in the Harvard file room? DONNA He has a relationship with Sheila Sazs. HARVEY What? DONNA Yeah. Never mind. We’re good. MIKE Oh. Thank you, but, um… Sorry, I don’t have time. RACHEL It’s food. It’s not going to stop you. It’s going to keep you going. MIKE I don’t need food. I need to find something I can take to this dismissal hearing tomorrow. RACHEL MIKE, it was a pretty decent settlement. Would it really be so bad to just take it? MIKE My dad was one of those guys who liked to celebrate everything. The, um, half birthdays or first time I struck someone out in little league. And the last time I saw them, they were celebrating the anniversary of their first date. They were so excited, all dressed up. And I was annoyed because I didn’t want to spend the night at my grandmother’s house. So, before they left, my dad came upstairs to say goodbye. And I told him that celebrating a first date was stupid. And he just looked at me like, “Michael, you have no idea how important a first date can be.” RACHEL Theirs must have been a great one. MIKE No. No, no. It was a total disaster. He spilled wine all over her. He… He forgot his wallet. And then, for some reason, this woman… you know, this woman who he knew was perfect… agreed to a second date. And a third. And everything after that. RACHEL I wish I could have met him. MIKE He tried to hug me goodbye. But I didn’t hug him back. I didn’t even go downstairs to say goodbye to my mom. And then, they were gone. And then, the next morning, Rinaldi shows up at our house and he offers my grandmother the equivalent of one year's rent. Rinaldi didn't kill my parents, but he did try to tell me what their lives were worth. And I’m sorry, but I know that my mom and dad were worth… a lot more than that. RACHEL Forget the food. Give me half the files. HARVEY What about a hedge fund guy? It’s big money. SCOTTIE Think bigger. HARVEY Obama. SCOTTIE I’m not going to land the president as my first client. HARVEY Fine, if you don’t think you can. SCOTTIE You’re not going to manipulate me into trying to land Obama. HARVEY Well, it better be somebody like that, or Jessica won’t give up on her early buy-in bullshit. SCOTTIE What if I got myself a sports guy? HARVEY The very fact that you called it a sports guy means it’s a no. SCOTTIE HARVEY, just because I don’t know sports doesn’t mean I don’t know you. HARVEY What are you talking about? SCOTTIE If I’m going to change Jessica’s mind, I can’t just land someone. I have to land someone you couldn’t. HARVEY There is no one I couldn’t land. SCOTTIE You think I don’t know about Beijing? HARVEY Hmm? That’s his word against mine. SCOTTIE Oh. Well, um, I guess we can clear that up right now. Because look who just walked in. HARVEY You knew he was coming here tonight? SCOTTIE You think I like Argentinian food? I just need you to stop him for a second. HARVEY I get it. You got the idea from “Working Girl” when they crash the wedding to get to Trask Radio. SCOTTIE Harvey, I’m not a fourteen-year-old girl. I don’t get my ideas from movies. HARVEY Michael. Michael HARVEY. I have no interest in talking to you. SCOTTIE Hi. Dana Scott. I work with Harvey, and I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t want him to represent me either. But he’s not the only lawyer there. Michael Let me guess. You’ve you’re your research on my record and you’re here to impress me. SCOTTIE That’s what every other lawyer would do. HARVEY I didn’t do that. SCOTTIE HARVEY, shut up. I don’t give a shit about how fast you used to swim. I only care about how fast I can make you money. MICHAEL How fast is that? SCOTTIE Why don’t you sit down and I’ll tell you? MICHAEL Alright. SCOTTIE Okay. HARVEY, you mind? HARVEY Actually, I… SCOTTIE Great. I’ll see you tomorrow. HARVEY Good to see you, buddy. SCOTTIE What really happened in Beijing? MICHAEL Let’s get a drink first. SCOTTIE Sounds good. RINALDI Doctor, how routine is this procedure? Dr. Lombard Sid Foreman should have been dancing at his daughter’s wedding a week later. Instead, he went into heart failure. MIKE Dr. Lombard, on December seventh, 2006, did a patient die on your table during a routine angioplasty? RINALDI Objection, Your Honor. Relevance. MIKE It speaks to his qualifications as an expert witness, Your Honor. JUDGE TIMBERS I’ll allow. DR LOMBARD Yes, a patient died. MIKE And was a malpractice suit filed against you for physician error? DR LOMBARD That case was sealed. MIKE I didn’t ask you if it was sealed. I asked if it was filed. DR LOMBARD It was. MIKE And settled? DR LOMBARD For almost nothing. MIKE Objection, Your Honor. Move to strike. Case was sealed. The witness isn’t allowed to testify to the details of that settlement. JUDGE TIMBERS Sustained. MIKE Have you practiced medicine since? DR LOMBARD Yes, I’ve been practicing. MIKE I’m sorry. What I meant to say is have you performed surgery? The job you spent seven years training to do? DR LOMBARD No. MIKE What, loss of confidence? They wouldn’t let you? RINALDI Objection. Speculation. MIKE I want an answer to my question. DR LOMBARD I chose to do other things. MIKE Other things that don’t involve the chance of you killing people? RINALDI Objection. MIKE Withdrawn. What’s your primary source of income? DR LOMBARD I work as an expert witness. MIKE So, you testify now to make a living because you don’t trust yourself to do the job that you were trained to do? DR LOMBARD I can speak to the facts of this case. MIKE Yes, you can speak to them. But how are we supposed to trust your opinion about them when you clearly don’t trust yourself? RINALDI You raised some doubts about my expert. That isn’t going to get this case dismissed. MIKE Maybe not, but if that’s the best expert you can come up with, then your client just got a taste of how this trial is going to go. RINALDI My client is not going to drop this case, and neither am I. MIKE Well, then, you are forcing me to use this. RINALDI It’s a picture of Mr. Foreman at his daughter’s wedding. MIKE It’s a picture of Mr. Foreman drinking alcohol at his daughter’s wedding. RINALDI It’s a toast. It was one sip. MIKE One sip two hours before his stent supposedly malfunctioned. Alcohol was strictly forbidden following his surgery, which makes him liable for his own death. RINALDI This is a total twisting of the facts. You can’t prove this caused anything. MIKE You can’t prove it was only one sip. And it doesn’t matter. Because I admit this, it’s contributory negligence and your case is gone. RINALDI And you say I’m a monster. MIKE Being a monster would be putting your client on the stand and making her testify that her husband’s death was his own damn fault. LOUIS Hi, Donna. DONNA Hi, LOUIS. LOUIS I’m nothing if not a big man. And I am not ashamed to admit when I’m wrong. DONNA You got Mike’s transcript. LOUIS Arrived this morning. DONNA Imagine that. Mike Ross went to Harvard. What a shocker. LOUIS You were right. I never should have doubted it. You know, it’s just hard to imagine a world in which Sheila made a mistake, though. DONNA Well, it’s just good you can put this to bed once and for all. LOUIS Yeah, see, that’s the thing. If Sheila’s competence is that important to her, I need to tell her about this so she can fix it. DONNA You know what, Louis? It occurred to me after we talked that I’m the only one who has the list of associates that interviewed with Harvey that day. LOUIS That can’t be right because I got a copy off the general server. DONNA You got a copy by bullying Benjamin into accessing my private files off my hard drive. LOUIS That doesn’t sound like me. DONNA LOUIS. LOUIS Okay, I did it. But that was only because I was concerned. DONNA Your concern gives you the right to invade my privacy? LOUIS I… What? No. It was just a file. DONNA How dare you? You pretend to be this gallant man. You make a big show of how you would never cross into my area without my permission. LOUIS I am gallant. And I would never dare. DONNA You wouldn’t dare because you’d have to do it to my face. But you have no problem breaking my trust behind my back. And that not only pisses me off, but it makes me question whether I want to have a relationship with you at all. LOUIS I’m so sorry, Donna. Donna No, Louis, you know what? LOUIS No. No, no, Donny. I’m sorry. DONNA No. I can’t. I can’t. LOUIS No. DONNA I can’t. No. LOUIS I’m sorry. DONNA Shh. Don’t speak. I cannot even look at you right now. And I don’t even know why I’m going to tell you this. But if you pissed me off that much, what do you think Sheila’s going to do when you tell her you violated her trust? Huh? LOUIS You’re right. Thank you, Donna, for putting your anger on hold long enough to help me salvage the single most important non-feline relationship of my life. SHEILA Someone’s been a bad boy. LOUIS Sheila. SHEILA You thought I wouldn’t find out? LOUIS I hoped you wouldn’t. SHEILA If you wanted a pair of my underwear, you should have just asked. LOUIS Oh, that. Sheila, god, what are you doing here? SHEILA Aren’t you happy I’m here? LOUIS Of course. Absolutely. SHEILA You don’t seem happy. LOUIS I’m overjoyed. I’m just… you know… I’m just surprised. SHEILA But you’re all nervous and sweaty. LOUIS Come on. You know my sweat ducts get excited when they see you. SHEILA Good. Because your sweat ducts are going to be working overtime. LOUIS What? SHEILA The Chilton. Room three-oh-five. Tonight. MIKE You didn’t have to come all the way over here just to drop the case. RINALDI I came here to tell you, you’re doing the wrong thing. MIKE I don’t need a lecture from you on right and wrong. RINALDI You once asked me how I live with myself. Well, somewhere along the way, I realized I had a choice not to be on the side that made me feel like shit. You’re on that side now. MIKE Yeah, I don’t feel like shit. RINALDI That’s because you’re telling yourself you’re doing your job. I’m telling you that you’re bullying someone who deserves your sympathy. MIKE You really want to play the bullying card? My grandmother lost her only son. You used her grief against her. RINALDI This has nothing to do with that. Look, I know you need me to be the villain. MIKE No, no, no, no, no. You are the villain. RINALDI Well, then, congratulations. Because you just became me. MIKE What are you talking about? RINALDI Your father had two drinks on the night he was killed. That was the reason I was able to get your grandmother to settle. JESSICA It’s not every day I get off the elevator and find someone in my firm that makes me look short. HARVEY So, you’ve seen our newest client. JESSICA You mean Scottie’s newest client. HARVEY Michael Phelps may be her client, but we’re going to get Speedo. JESSICA And why should that make me change my mind? HARVEY Because their fee is worth more than her buy-in. JESSICA You still think this is about money. I told this to Scottie. Now, I’m going to tell it to you. We’ve had too much turnover. We can’t have anymore. HARVEY JESSICA, I’m telling you, she’s in. JESSICA Then, she shouldn’t have any problem putting her money where her mouth is. HARVEY It’s not right. JESSICA HARVEY, it’s time you and I had the talk. HARVEY I know where babies come from. JESSICA But do you know how couples stay together? HARVEY What are you getting at? JESSICA When Daniel and I took over the firm, we had a heart to heart. He had a philosophy that I agreed to live by. HARVEY Daniel was a piece of shit. JESSICA Doesn’t mean his philosophy was. HARVEY I’m listening. JESSICA He told me for a partnership to work, there has to be trust between number one and number two. You don’t have to agree with me, but you have to trust that I listened to you, that my decisions are reasoned, and that I am doing what I think is right. HARVEY JESSICA. JESSICA You can’t have two presidents, Harvey. Now, I chose to trust you when you said you didn’t want to be Managing Partner. Was that true or not? HARVEY It was. JESSICA Then, I need you to accept this. HARVEY What if I had an idea where maybe we can both get what we want? JESSICA I’m listening. LOUIS That’s never happened to me before. SHEILA It’s okay. LOUIS No, it isn’t. Black Hawk Down. SHEILA First of all… that’s an amazing movie and you should be proud that you are associated with it. And second of all, I think I know what the problem is. LOUIS You do? SHEILA It’s about what happened in the file room. LOUIS Listen, Sheila. I can’t tell you how that’s been weighing on my mind. SHEILA Oh, I get it. Now that we’ve declared our love, you think of me as a good girl. And you need me to be bad. LOUIS What? SHEILA It happens all the time. We’re in a relationship now, and you think that changes the nature of our sexual relationship. But I am here to assure you, I can be bad. LOUIS Okay. That’s not actually… SHEILA Liar. LOUIS Whoa. Take it easy. I am being serious right now. SHEILA You think I’m not being serious? I’m deadly serious. LOUIS Ow. SHEILA Say it again. LOUIS Ow. Ooh. Ooh. SHEILA Well, what do you know? The Dark Knight Rises. HARVEY She went for it. SCOTTIE She did? HARVEY One catch. SCOTTIE What? HARVEY You have to sign an ironclad non-compete. You can’t represent any Pearson Specter clients if you leave. SCOTTIE Including Phelps? HARVEY Including Phelps. SCOTTIE How is that any different than paying in early? HARVEY It’s a half a million dollars different. SCOTTIE Harvey. HARVEY Scottie, this is the best we’re going to do. Phelps brings in the money. But if you leave and take him away, what good does that do Jessica? SCOTTIE Jessica, or you? HARVEY Are you kidding? You’re questioning me? SCOTTIE You’ve been known to manipulate situations before. HARVEY If it were up to me, I’d waive your whole buy-in. SCOTTIE Now I know you’re full of shit. HARVEY You’re right, I am. So, get your check ready. Because in six months, you’re paying it. SCOTTIE Are we really doing this? HARVEY Sign it. Give it to Jessica. Tomorrow, we’ll celebrate with dinner at my place. RACHEL Where did you get this? MIKE Rinaldi. RACHEL MIKE, I know what you’re thinking. But your father wasn’t legally drunk. MIKE No, but he wasn’t sober either. And how do I know those two drinks aren’t the split second that he needed not to… RACHEL You don’t know that this had anything to do with the accident. MIKE Rachel, do you have any idea how many times I have wished that they hadn’t gone out that night, or that they had taken a route way home, or any one of a thousand other things? But the one thing… the one thing that I never wished is that my father hadn’t been drinking the night that he got killed by a drunk…I know he wasn’t perfect. But he was. He was perfect to me. And… I don’t want to have to wonder if this was all his fault. RACHEL MIKE. He’s just trying to get to you. MIKE Well, he’s got to me. How am I any different than him, Rachel? RACHEL Because it’s a bullshit claim. MIKE I don’t know. I know I’m going to win. But I don’t know. LOUIS Ah, here you are. Been looking all over for you. Donna Why? LOUIS I just wanted to apologize once again for crossing the threshold of your electronic area. Donna It’s okay, Louis. LOUIS No, no. I breached your mainframe. No excuse. Donna Why is your face so red? LOUIS It’s because you gave me the greatest advice in the world. DONNA What are you talking about? LOUIS Let’s just say that I’m never going to tell Sheila what I did in that file room that night. Ever. DONNA Apology accepted. LOUIS Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to put some peas on my face. MIKE Your move didn’t work. I didn’t go into a tailspin. RINALDI I wasn’t trying to send you into a tailspin. I was just trying to get you to understand. MIKE Well, I do understand. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to sell my client out. RINALDI Then, why are we here? MIKE You want to sue someone, you should sue these people. They’re the ones that make the medicine that stent was coated with. RINALDI And you know that medicine has something to do with this case. MIKE I know there’s as much evidence against them as there is against my client. RINALDI That’s why you’re pointing me there. Because they’re not your client. MIKE You know, nothing is going to bring Mr. Foreman back. Just like there’s nothing that’s going to bring my parents back. This is the best way I can see to get your client compensation. RINALDI If you think you’re doing the right thing, you’re wrong. MIKE I’m trying to help. But I’m not going to sell my client out. RINALDI It’s a half measure. MIKE Alright. Then, here’s the other half. I pointed out your Achilles heel when I found that photo. And I found it on Facebook. Do your client a favor and have them take it down before you file that suit. HARVEY So, you’re going to fly back to London, get your life in order, and move back in two weeks. SCOTTIE Tickets are booked. HARVEY Here’s to your new partnership. SCOTTIE I just have one question. Why did Jessica specifically make me agree to something that’s a standard part of your contracts? HARVEY You checked up on me. SCOTTIE I didn’t check up on you. I’m thorough. HARVEY What’s the difference? SCOTTIE Goddammit, Harvey, don’t change the subject. What did you do? HARVEY I fronted your buy-in. SCOTTIE I knew it. You bought me. HARVEY I didn’t buy you. I bought us time. SCOTTIE That’s a lawyer’s response and it’s bullshit. How could you do that? HARVEY SCOTTIE, you’re acting like I killed someone. I didn’t. SCOTTIE You paid so that I could sleep with you and be here at the same time. Do you know what that makes me? HARVEY Lucky? SCOTTIE That’s not funny. HARVEY No, I didn’t mean it to be. I paid because I want you to stay. I did it as a romantic gesture. SCOTTIE Yeah, well, “Pretty Woman” may have been a romantic movie, but Julia Roberts was still a hooker. HARVEY Now, you come up with a movie reference? SCOTTIE Harvey, can you imagine how that makes me feel, to find that out? HARVEY Yeah, well, what do you want me to say? Huh? I’m not perfect at this. And you don’t have to believe that was romantic, but it would be nice if you believed that I thought it was. SCOTTIE HARVEY. It would have been romantic if you had begged me to stay when Jessica wouldn’t budge. But this is not romantic. This is manipulative. HARVEY You were about to take a job somewhere else. SCOTTIE That’s what makes it manipulative. HARVEY Are you telling me you’ve never been manipulative with me? SCOTTIE Not since I’ve been back. I had to learn the hard way and I’m afraid that you haven’t learned that at all. HARVEY So, you’re saying I’m an asshole? SCOTTIE No. Yes, Harvey, that is what I’m saying. That you are an asshole. But what I’m really saying is that we need to start being honest with each other. HARVEY About everything? SCOTTIE Everything. HARVEY You know that paper you had to redo because Professor Gunn said he never got it? SCOTTIE Mm-hmm. HARVEY He never got it. SCOTTIE Son of a bitch. HARVEY How was I supposed to know you didn’t save it to your hard drive? SCOTTIE Because I told you that. HARVEY You know I don’t listen when you say things. SCOTTIE You are an asshole. HARVEY This is good. Honesty is good. SCOTTIE I told Rebecca Carlin you were gay. HARVEY She slept with me anyway. SCOTTIE Once. HARVEY Yeah. Why did she only sleep with me once? SCOTTIE Because I also told her that you had crabs. HARVEY That’s not cool. SCOTTIE This is good. HARVEY It is. I am in this, Scottie. SCOTTIE Okay. So am I. LOUIS Well, let’s see what you’ve got, Michael James Ross. Magna cum laude. So, Mr. Smarty Pants couldn’t even manage summa cum laude? So what if I couldn’t either? What, no Law Review? Well, either you weren’t asked or you didn’t serve. Either way, I win. “a”. “a”. “b” plus in International Law? Oh, come on. I aced that class with my eyes closed. “a” in Contracts. That’s legit. “a” minus in Estate Planning? Remind me to not die intestate with Mike Ross around. MIKE Tape measure as requested. RACHEL You look really excited. MIKE Long day. RACHEL I know. MIKE Is there any chance we can punt this, maybe, and go grab some dinner? RACHEL We could. Or we could accept that moving in together sometimes means we have to just shake off our crappy days and deal with things like furniture negotiations. MIKE Yeah, that doesn’t sound like anything I want to accept at all. RACHEL Too bad. This is your life now. MIKE Okay, so, look. I’m trying… RACHEL You said that your dad liked to celebrate the little things. And I thought maybe we should start doing that, too. MIKE You mean like furniture negotiations? RACHEL Mm. I mean our first date. MIKE So, does that mean I’m not going to be able to eat anything? Because I didn’t like anything on the menu that night. RACHEL That wasn’t our first date. Our first date was in the law library. MIKE Sushi. RACHEL Sushi. MIKE That was my first case. RACHEL I know. Oh… You were so green. MIKE Harvey came in and told us to stop playing footsie. RACHEL “Ugh”, I remember that. MIKE I wanted to do a lot more than play footsie with you. RACHEL I know. I caught you staring at me five times. MIKE Oh, so, I guess you didn’t catch all the other times I… RACHEL I did. I was just trying to let you off the hook. MIKE RACHEL. This is perfect. RACHEL Not yet. Now, it is. MIKE So, where’s the chair? RACHEL No. SIMON You wanted to see me? LOUIS Professor Gerard’s Legal Ethics class. You take it? SIMON Of course. Everyone had to take it. LOUIS And what did you get? SIMON I killed it. I got an “A” minus. LOUIS Out of curiosity, did you ever hear of anybody getting an “A” plus? SIMON What? No. He’s famous for never giving higher than an “A”. He doesn’t believe in it. LOUIS Thank you, Simon. That will be all.