BELLY_BAG BOY CHILDREN DIRK_PETERS GARY GIRL MOM MR_GUS NARRATOR PIZZA_STEVE TINY_MIRACLE UNCLE_GRANDPA WOMAN NARRATOR Previously on Uncle Grandpa’s Incredible Journey. UNCLE GRANDPA Oh no! This is bad! This is really bad! We got glow worms!! MR GUS How many times do I have to tell you? If you’re gonna use my library card, return the dang books on time! UNCLE GRANDPA My bad! PIZZA STEVE Dah! My hand’s slipping, bro! TINY MIRACLE Don’t. Worry. I. Got. You. PIZZA STEVE Ahhh! MR GUS I’m movin’ to Hollywood! UNCLE GRANDPA We gotta get these starfish back to Lord Neptune before time runs out! MR GUS Give me back my cat!! NARRATOR And now, part 2 of Uncle Grandpa’s Incredible Journey. UNCLE GRANDPA Tangerines are on sale. And that’s a pretty good price for American cheese. Oh yeah. Totally. PIZZA STEVE Did you just say something, Uncle G? UNCLE GRANDPA Huh? PIZZA STEVE Did you say something before? UNCLE GRANDPA Oh, I was just talking to Giant Realistic Flying Tiger about unbeatable values. PIZZA STEVE Oh. NARRATOR Next time on Uncle Grandpa’s Incredible Journey. MR GUS You call this a vacation? We’re headed straight for Devil’s Falls! UNCLE GRANDPA My bad. WOMAN I don’t think this is working, Steven. PIZZA STEVE What? WOMAN I mean, it’s just— PIZZA STEVE Shhhh! Hold that thought. Will you marry me, bro? TINY MIRACLE Have. You. Seen. Mr. Gus? UNCLE GRANDPA He’s dead. BELLY BAG That’s it. No more mister nice bag! UNCLE GRANDPA What?! What! Say it ain’t so! That’s terrible! PIZZA STEVE Ahhh!! Uncle G!! Ahhh!! Uncle G!! Ahhh!! UNCLE GRANDPA This is one nice big rig. Hey, ya mind if I drive? My bad. MR GUS Gurl, will you marry me? UNCLE GRANDPA Ahh. What the?! Sizzling turtle toes!! UNCLE GRANDPA UNCLE GRANDPA Hmm. Which color am I again? PIZZA STEVE I’m pepperoni red, and you’re olive black. UNCLE GRANDPA Okay… How do you play again? PIZZA STEVE Eh, you know what. I’m over checkers. Why don’t we play a different game. UNCLE GRANDPA How bout “Will it Stick?!” PIZZA STEVE The game where we throw things at the wall to see if they’ll stick?! You know I’m in! UNCLE GRANDPA Yes!! All clear, Pizza Steve! And regulation size too! PIZZA STEVE Awesome. First up for the stick test: potted cactus. Aw man. I thought that was a sure stick. UNCLE GRANDPA Nice try, Pizza Steve. Coffeeee…mug! Darn! PIZZA STEVE Check out this text book wall stick! Aww. UNCLE GRANDPA Feelin’ good about this softball! Whoopsie. PIZZA STEVE Don’t worry about that glass. Because I’ve got a glass egg that could win me this game! UNCLE GRANDPA Tough break. Here we go lamp! Shoot. PIZZA STEVE Don’t worry, Uncle G. We’ve got time. UNCLE GRANDPA Big money, big money, big money… Ah, no dice. PIZZA STEVE Darts are great at sticking to walls! Nope. UNCLE GRANDPA Something in this drawer has gotta stick! Ugh! Man! PIZZA STEVE UNCLE GRANDPA PIZZA STEVE UNCLE GRANDPA PIZZA STEVE UNCLE GRANDPA Strike! PIZZA STEVE MR GUS What’s all the commotion goin on up here? UNCLE GRANDPA Pizza Steve and I are playing “Will it Stick,” the game where you throw things against the wall to see if they’ll stick. MR GUS That was my pet butterfly! Wait a minute. These are all my things!! You even broke a glass egg from my cherished collection! PIZZA STEVE Geez, Mr. Gus. They’re just material objects. I didn’t realize you were so shallow. MR GUS I’ll show you shallow! Raahh!! PIZZA STEVE UNCLE GRANDPA Wow, Mr. Gus. You won! MR GUS Huh? PIZZA STEVE Ceiling doesn’t count. UNCLE GRANDPA NARRATOR Curiosities of Nature with Dirk Peters. DIRK PETERS Nature, as we know it, is really weird. She’s rich with strange creatures just waiting to be observed! In all my years as a guy who watches other living things, the ones that you are about to see, I find to be among the most curious of all. Here, just beyond this dense undergrowth, is a rare site, indeed. Their lair is, like no other found in the animal kingdom. Behold. Here we have perhaps the weirdest creature I have ever encountered: an Uncle Grandpa. Let’s have a look. UNCLE GRANDPA Either my stomach is on an active fault line, or I’m getting hungry! DIRK PETERS After an assessment of his situation, the Uncle Grandpa gives in to instinct and is spurred to action. And… off he goes! Out here on the razor’s edge, between survival, and existence, the availability of nourishment is of absolute importance. UNCLE GRANDPA Burrito! DIRK PETERS Uncle Grandpa’s hunt for food was successful. This time. UNCLE GRANDPA Set... Hike! DIRK PETERS And now, with a howl of triumph, he gently, yet flamboyantly, tosses his freshly caught dinner into the radiation heat box. Incredible. But what’s this? Apparently the Uncle Grandpa celebration has attracted the unwanted attention of a group of scavengers! PIZZA STEVE Whatcha doin’ with my burrito, Uncle G? MR GUS Wait, your burrito? I don’t see your name on it! UNCLE GRANDPA Yeah, unless your name is “Burrito Bill’s Macho Muchacho Frozen Burritos”. DIRK PETERS Here we see the stage being set for an age old confrontation. Competition for limited resources, specifically food, has, since time immemorial, been the most…what was I saying. Great Scott it’s so convoluted. Alas, at any rate, let us watch the primordial drama unfold! MR GUS Come on, you’ve got to share that burrito! PIZZA STEVE Don’t bogart that burrito, bro! UNCLE GRANDPA No way, you guys! Help me out here, Belly Bag! BELLY BAG Okay, Uncle Grandpa! DIRK PETERS Amazing! It would appear that the Uncle Grandpa is actually a marsupial! BELLY BAG Ouch! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! DIRK PETERS The temperature proves too high for the little joey, and… UNCLE GRANDPA Wait Belly Bag! Noo!! DIRK PETERS The meal is airbourne! MR GUS I got this! PIZZA STEVE In your dreams! DIRK PETERS The situation is now a free-for-all. MR GUS Oof! PIZZA STEVE Yeeeee-aaaahh!!! aaaaawww! DIRK PETERS In this case, neither the living fossil. Nor the wee little food man prevailed. Competitions such as these may go on for hours, or even days, leaving the combatants physically exhausted or in some cases, even— Ahh, here we are. Let us “examine” … the contents of the meal, eh? Well, this is awkward, isn’t it…? In the aftermath… as the dust… clears… the group succumbs… and allows the host to eat the… burrito… UNCLE GRANDPA No way, British stranger. PIZZA STEVE Who is this clown… Trying to steal my burrito… Uncle G? MR GUS It’s not…your…burrito! UNCLE GRANDPA My burrito! Awww!! MR GUS My burrito! Awww!! PIZZA STEVE My burrito! Awww!! DIRK PETERS My burrito! Awww!! DIRK PETERS And, so our brief glimpse into the fascinating world of Uncle Grandpa draws to a close. Join us next time on “Curiosities of Nature,” with me, Dirk Peters, won’t you? CHILDREN UNCLE GRANDPA Surprise!! Happy birthday, Gary! I didn’t miss the cake, did I? GARY Uncle Grandpa, you popped the bounce-house!! Uncle…Grandpa? UNCLE GRANDPA Gary…I can’t help but feel partially responsible for what just happened, so… CHILDREN UNCLE GRANDPA Let’s bounce. CHILDREN Yay!! UNCLE GRANDPA Come on guys! GIRL Awesome!! BOY Wheee!! UNCLE GRANDPA CHILDREN Wheee!! Hahaha! GARY Hey… you… guys… let’s… go… exploring! CHILDREN Yeahh!! UNCLE GRANDPA Have fun, you guys!! BOY Oh cool!! It’s Mr. Gus’s room!! Wheee!! UNCLE GRANDPA GIRL Oh wow! It’s a Pizza Steve balloon!! PIZZA STEVE I’m not a balloon!! Help!! UNCLE GRANDPA GARY Wheeee! UNCLE GRANDPA MOM Gary! It’s time for ca-ake! UNCLE GRANDPA Hey Gary, it’s time for cake! Gary? Where are you guys? Oh no, not again… Gary’s mom is going to kill me! I gotta bounce. CHILDREN/MOM Thanks Uncle Grandpa! UNCLE GRANDPA Huh? What’s that now? CHILDREN/MOM Best bounce house ever!! UNCLE GRANDPA Ohhh! Anytime you guys! Phew! CHILDREN So awesome! Thank you!