ALIEN ALIEN_1 ALIEN_2 ALIEN_MONSTER ALL BELLY_BAG CREEPY_GUY CROWD GREY_ALIEN GUARD MR_GUS PIZZA_STEVE SCIENTIST_1 UNCLE_GRANDPA MR GUS Uncle Grandpa, maybe we should slow down a bit. UNCLE GRANDPA No can do, Mr. Gus! I’ve been waiting my whole life for this event. I can’t risk missing it! PIZZA STEVE Uhh, can someone remind me again what we’re doing in outer space? The satellite reception up here is awful. UNCLE GRANDPA We’re seeking out the tastiest and most delicious treat in the entire cosmos. I’m talking, of course, about the mother of all food in the universe, the Taco Comet!! A heavenly space taco that last appeared 8000 years ago when it brought tacos to Earth and changed dinner forever! And according to those leaked government documents, it’s finally returned to orbit our galaxy! My mouth is starting to water just thinking about tasting it. PIZZA STEVE So we’re chasing this taco comet down before it leaves our galaxy, so you can eat it? UNCLE GRANDPA That’s right. BELLY BAG This has been Uncle Grandpa’s life goal ever since he learned what a life goal is. MR GUS Uncle Grandpa, you might wanna get over here! UNCLE GRANDPA Oh boy oh boy oh boy! Taco Comet!! What’ve we got, Mr. Gus?! MR GUS If I didn’t know any better, I’d say those green-floaty things are shards of lettuce. UNCLE GRANDPA Hmmm. It is! Iceberg lettuce, right ahead!! We must be hot on the taco trail! There it is, in all it’s delicious glory! Mr. Gus, I’m gonna need you to keep the RV straight & steady. MR GUS On it. UNCLE GRANDPA Pizza Steve, you hold onto Belly Bag. Belly bag, you hold on to me! BELLY BAG Aye aye, Captain Taco Taster! UNCLE GRANDPA Here I come! Taco, taco, taco, taco… MR GUS Wow, he’s actually gonna do it! UNCLE GRANDPA Taco-taco-taco-taco-taco… PIZZA STEVE Wait a minute. Uncle G, how are you gonna take a bite wearing that space helmet? UNCLE GRANDPA Huh? Oops!! Oh no!! Mr. Gus! The taco comet is headed towards Earth! We gotta turn around so I can find it and eat it! MR GUS No problem. UNCLE GRANDPA I’ll initiate the landing sequence! Taco comet… oh, taco comet. Come out, come out wherever you are. Oh! There it is! PIZZA STEVE That is one big taco! UNCLE GRANDPA It’s so beautiful. Oh no!! Where are they taking it?! Come back!! Come back!! Now I’ll never get to taste the cosmic seasonings of the heavenly Taco Comet!! MR GUS Don’t worry Uncle Grandpa. We can follow the meat droppings. UNCLE GRANDPA Oh yeah!! Don’t worry Taco Comet! I’m coming to eat you! Guys! Guys! I think I know where they took it! It must be in that shopping mall! MR GUS We can’t go in there. That’s the military base where the government keeps all the aliens that’ve crash landed on earth. There’s no way three normal looking guys like us are gonna get in there. PIZZA STEVE Dude! That’s loser talk. I’ve got an idea. Excuse me Belly Bag. I just need to borrow a few items. Hup! Uh!! Urf! Okay fellas, let’s all get alienated! Bleep blorp. What’s up, buddy? UNCLE GRANDPA Good mornin’! MR GUS Bloop a doop bleep blop. A ding dang. GUARD Hey! What’re you aliens doing out there?! You’re supposed to be in here! PIZZA STEVE Sorry about that buddy. It’s such a nice day, we thought we’d get out and enjoy the sun. GUARD Hmmm. Heh, I hear that! It is a beautiful day. Just get in here, and don’t let me catch you escaping again. UNCLE GRANDPA Droppings, droppings, there! I think it’s locked. Don’t worry. I’ve got just the thing to deal with locked doors. This! Okay. Now slide me under the door. I found a paper clip. Come on in. Wow. Oh my. Would ya look at that. Heavens to Betsy. Wow guys! Have you ever seen anything so weird? MR GUS Huh? Look! UNCLE GRANDPA It’s the taco! SCIENTIST 1 UNCLE GRANDPA They’re gonna eat the Taco Comet!! And then there’ll be none left for me! ALIEN MONSTER Pardon me. I couldn’t help but overhear your dilemma. If you gentlemen would be so kind as to push that button, thereby releasing me, I may be able to help you with your current predicament. UNCLE GRANDPA I guess we could use all the help we can get. Okay, big scary alien monster. ALIEN MONSTER At last, freedom! Sweet freedom! UNCLE GRANDPA So, what’s the plan? ALIEN MONSTER Namely, this. Run! Be free! GREY ALIEN Let’s tear this place apart! ALL Yeah!! Yeah!! ALIEN MONSTER SCIENTIST 1 Ahhhh! GREY ALIEN UNCLE GRANDPA Come on! The coast is clear. At last! She’s all mine! MR GUS But how’re we gonna get it out of here? UNCLE GRANDPA You’re right! That thing must weigh a ton! All is lost! Again. There’s a tiger in that tank! Hey girl, how’d you get past the main gate? ALIEN MONSTER CROWD UNCLE GRANDPA Wow! This place is going kookoo klackee! CROWD GUARD Hey!! Where do you think you’re going?!! UNCLE GRANDPA We’re just taking the Taco out for a Sunday drive! GUARD Well, it is a beautiful day. ALIEN MONSTER UNCLE GRANDPA Welp, here it is! It’s finally all mine! It’s chow time! Wha-wha-ah? ALIEN Greetings earthlings. We are the Universal Guardians Protectors of ancient artifacts and celestial sundry. The astro-gastronomic object that you refer to as ”Ta-co-Co-met” has been circling your galaxy for countless eons, undisturbed in a state of picante divinity. We feel that eating this sacred monument would be an act of cosmic blasphemy. ALIEN 2 Please, let us take it with us so that we may release it back into the wild universe, to continue it’s journey. Revered, not consumed. UNCLE GRANDPA Wow. That’s heavy. Hup! You make a persuasive argument but I can’t pass up the chance to taste this galactic delight! MR GUS But Uncle Grandpa if you eat that thing, the rich flavor of the taco will cease to spread throughout the vast cosmos, denying countless civilizations it’s flavorful beauty. UNCLE GRANDPA You’re right Mr. Gus. I can’t deny our space neighbors such deliciousness. Okay, take her away, boys. ALIEN 1 Thank you earthlings. You have made a wise decision. UNCLE GRANDPA There she goes. I guess I’ll never get to taste her. Oh well! The hamburger meteor shower is just one month away! ALIEN 1 Ah ha ha ha… Suckers!! ALIEN 2 MR GUS Finally some peace and quiet. UNCLE GRANDPA Hey Mr. Gus! I’m gonna read you a bedtime fairy tale now. MR GUS Aww, that’s okay, Uncle Grandpa. UNCLE GRANDPA Shh, I’m reading. Uncle Grandpa and the Can of Beans-Stalk. $605 peanut butter cola, $211 on jars of hamburgers. These bills are killing me! I gotta start making better financial decisions or I’m gonna lose this RV. CREEPY GUY Good afternoon. I was just admiring your RV and wondered if you’d like to exchange the keys of this vehicle for this can of magic beans. UNCLE GRANDPA Yes!! Thank you! Come back any time! What a deal! I should probably bury them so I don’t lose them. Whoa, what’s goin on?! Now how am I supposed to get to my beans? Guess I’d better start climbing this huge tin–can-stalk. Yikes. I hope I can make it this time. Yes!! Whoaa! A giant’s castle! Better go check it out. Hello? Anybody home? Does anybody want to eat some beans? I have plenty!! PIZZA STEVE Over here bro!! Welcome to the castle in the clouds! UNCLE GRANDPA Cool, a golden slice! Is this your castle, lil fella? PIZZA STEVE Pfft! Dude, I’m a golden slice of pizza. I’m probably worth like 900 of these castles. Of course this place is mine! UNCLE GRANDPA Then who’s that giant dinosaur guy hanging on the wall? PIZZA STEVE Oh him? He’s just a guy who lives here. UNCLE GRANDPA But I thought you uh- PIZZA STEVE Oh don’t get me wrong! I own the place. But I rent him a room here for side profits. UNCLE GRANDPA Awesome! Would you come live with me so you can show me your cool, golden ways? PIZZA STEVE Anything to get away from this prison… UNCLE GRANDPA What was that? PIZZA STEVE Oh! I said, sure! Let’s go! UNCLE GRANDPA Yes!! Actually, I just traded my RV for some magic beans, so we’ll have to find somewhere new to live. PIZZA STEVE No worries. MR GUS Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum! I smell Uncle Grandpa stealing my stuff! UNCLE GRANDPA How can you smell that? PIZZA STEVE Uh, we should probably run, dude. UNCLE GRANDPA Okay. UNCLE GRANDPA Yahh!!!! PIZZA STEVE Yahh!!!! MR GUS Grrrrrrr! UNCLE GRANDPA Maybe he just needs to pay his rent? PIZZA STEVE Uh, maybe! MR GUS Hey! What the-! UNCLE GRANDPA Alright! Saved by a Giant Realistic Flying Tiger Princess! You wanna live with me too? Woohoo! MR GUS Dang. That golden slice owed me 20 bucks. Oh well. UNCLE GRANDPA And everyone, except the dinosaur giant, lived happily ever after. MR GUS Great, now if you don’t mind I’m gonna try to get some- PIZZA STEVE Cool story! How bout another one, Uncle G? MR GUS