BELLY_BAG BIG_UNCLE_GRANDPA COP JOHNSON MR_GUS PIZZA_STEVE SPRUCE TREE UNCLE_GRANDPA UNCLE GRANDPA Oh overdue library book, where are you?! Under here? No. Inside here? No. Hmmm. Not in here, either. SPRUCE Hey. Over here! UNCLE GRANDPA Huh? Who said that? SPRUCE I did! UNCLE GRANDPA Was it the tree? SPRUCE Yeah it was, who else would it be?! UNCLE GRANDPA You can talk?! SPRUCE Of course I can talk, I’m a tree! UNCLE GRANDPA Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Belly Bag! Belly Bag! Mr. Tree can talk! BELLY BAG Huh? Not now Uncle Grandpa, I’m finishing my book on tape. Don’t bother me till the end of the episode. UNCLE GRANDPA Oh, sorry. So Mr. Tree, you and I have a lot of catching up to do. I can’t wait to establish a lifelong bond with my bark covered buddy. SPRUCE Yeah-yeah, heh heh, me too, Uncle Grandpa! UNCLE GRANDPA So, let me tell you about myself. My name as you probably already know is Uncle Grandpa. And I like hot dogs, do you like hot dogs? Well I also like ice cream. PIZZA STEVE If it’s one thing we can agree on, it’s that nobody does it better than Burger Queen. PIZZA STEVE Nobody does it better than Burger Queen. A heavenly dream, made with beef that’s lean, nobody does it better than Burger Queen! MR GUS Nobody does it better than Burger Queen. A heavenly dream, made with beef that’s lean, nobody does it better than Burger Queen! UNCLE GRANDPA and that’s just one of the stories of how I met Mr. Gus and Pizza Steve. Oh hey guys! We were just talking about you. MR GUS What do you mean “we”? Who are you talking about? UNCLE GRANDPA The tree, he can talk! Look! Look! Say something to the guys, Mr. Tree. Just give him a sec. MR GUS Uh, Uncle Grandpa, we’re gonna go eat our burgers. UNCLE GRANDPA Okay, I’ll let you guys know when he’s talkin again. MR GUS Hmm. UNCLE GRANDPA What’s up Mr. Tree? Did you get bit by the shy bug? SPRUCE Sorry about that Uncle Grandpa, maybe I’d be a little less shy if I wasn’t so hungry. UNCLE GRANDPA Hmm… What do trees like to eat? SPRUCE Uhh, y’know, I could really go for two Burger Queen burgers. Ya got anything like that? UNCLE GRANDPA Oh yeah. Sure! PIZZA STEVE Mr. Gus old chap, I’m simply famished! Shall we? MR GUS But, of cour- UNCLE GRANDPA Don’t mind if I do! MR GUS Whoa! What? Hey! PIZZA STEVE Whoa! What? Hey! UNCLE GRANDPA Mr. Tree is hungry. MR GUS You bring that back, Uncle Grandpa! PIZZA STEVE What is with that guy? I’m starving Jack!!! Let’s go get our grub!! UNCLE GRANDPA Okay, that’s the last one! You sure were hungry, Mr. Tree! PIZZA STEVE Uncle G?! You just threw our lunch into a tree-hole! MR GUS This isn’t funny, Uncle Grandpa! That was our lunch! UNCLE GRANDPA Now now, don’t you fret little guys! You may have lost a hamburger, but you’re about to make a new friend! Without further ado, I give you, Mr. Tree! UNCLE GRANDPA Come on, help me out here, buddy. MR GUS You know I get grumpy when I’m hungry, Uncle Grandpa. I’d hate to have to start removing limbs! UNCLE GRANDPA No, don’t hurt Mr. Tree! MR GUS Who said I was talking about the tree? PIZZA STEVE It’s not worth it, Mr. Gus. MR GUS Alright then. But, I’ve got my eye on you, Uncle Grandpa! UNCLE GRANDPA Mr. Tree! You said you would talk to the guys once you had something to eat! SPRUCE I know, uh, it’s just that you guys look all cool with your clothes and stuff, and look at me. I’m just naked. UNCLE GRANDPA You poor naked little tree! SPRUCE If you were to help me get a sweet new outfit, I wouldn’t be so embarrassed to have a nice, long chat with your buddies. UNCLE GRANDPA You promise, Mr. Tree?! SPRUCE Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah, sure. MR GUS Man, why’d he have to mess with our food?! PIZZA STEVE He’s probably out there eating it right now! Playin’ us for chumps!! UNCLE GRANDPA You really really really promise, Mr. Tree? PIZZA STEVE Or, he really thinks trees can talk. MR GUS This is more serious than I thought. What are we gonna do? PIZZA STEVE I don’t know. UNCLE GRANDPA Hey guys! Mr. Tree and I are going to the mall. PIZZA STEVE MR GUS Aren’t you even the slightest bit worried about Uncle Grandpa? PIZZA STEVE Nah. Uncle G’s always been a weirdo. Whoa! That is one sharp-dressed tree, Uncle G! And, those shades are tight! UNCLE GRANDPA Do you really think they’re too tight? Mr. Tree picked them out himself. PIZZA STEVE No Uncle G, it’s a figure of spe- MR GUS Don’t encourage him. Now what the heck’s going on here, Uncle Grandpa? UNCLE GRANDPA Mr. Tree needed some sweet new clothes so he could feel comfortable talking to you guys. This guy even knew about the “Everything is Free” sale today at the mall. He said we could take all the jewelry and coats we want, and walk out without paying! PIZZA STEVE Are you serious?! MR GUS Gah! PIZZA STEVE C’mon Mr. Gus. We gotta get to the mall! MR GUS Oh, no! “Everything is Free” sales don’t exist! Uncle Grandpa must’ve stolen all that stuff, and hung it all over that tree! UNCLE GRANDPA I didn’t steal anything! Tell ‘em Mr. Tree! It was an “Everything is Free” sale, right?! MR GUS Stealing, deceiving your friends, it’s not right, Uncle Grandpa. PIZZA STEVE Yeah, Uncle G!! That’s Pizza Steve’s job around here! MR GUS I don’t know what’s going on with you, but until you can start being honest with your friends, we have nothing to talk about! PIZZA STEVE You messed up big time, bro! You got the big green guy all upset. UNCLE GRANDPA Why Mr. Tree? Why!?? You could’ve told them everything! SPRUCE Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, I need some money. UNCLE GRANDPA What?! My friends think I’m lying to them because of you, and now you’re asking me for money!? SPRUCE I need some money, to buy your friends some gifts to show ‘em how sorry I am for this whole mess. UNCLE GRANDPA Ohh, you’re so thoughtful, Mr. Tree. How much do you need? SPRUCE Oh, no. I couldn’t take your money, Uncle G. Just take me by the bank so I can make a withdrawal. UNCLE GRANDPA And then you gotta promise you’ll talk to my buddies. SPRUCE You have my leafy word. UNCLE GRANDPA Alright! Let’s go get some money! MR GUS While I maintain that Uncle Grandpa is completely out of his mind! UNCLE GRANDPA We’re home! PIZZA STEVE Yeah, he’s insane. MR GUS Okay, where did all that money come from? PIZZA STEVE Yeah, what did you do, rob a bank? UNCLE GRANDPA No no, nothing like that. Tell ‘em, Mr. Tree. MR GUS Don’t even start with that talking tree nonsense! You need to return that money from wherever you got it before- COP Open up! It’s the police!! MR GUS Before that happens. UNCLE GRANDPA Uh! Oh my goodness! I know why they’re here! They’re here for my overdue library book. We gotta get outta here, Mr. Tree! COP We know you’re in there!! UNCLE GRANDPA We’re fugitives!! PIZZA STEVE Well, I’m glad that’s all sorted out. COP Yaahh!!!!!! Johnson!! Get this to forensics! JOHNSON Yes sir. COP Look Johnson!! A trail!! Come on, Johnson! Unto the breach! Excelsior!! UNCLE GRANDPA Oh no Mr. Tree, what are we gonna do?! SPRUCE How ‘bout we hide in that armoire over there? UNCLE GRANDPA But, Mr. Tree, I don’t speak French. COP You can’t escape from the long arm of the law!! It’s gonna reach right in there and grip you! Tightly!! UNCLE GRANDPA We gotta find a place to hide. Think, think, think, think. Eureka California, population 26,961!! I’ve got it, Mr. Tree! I’ll hide in this tree, and you hide in this Uncle Grandpa!! UNCLE GRANDPA Good mornin’ BIG UNCLE GRANDPA Good mornin’ UNCLE GRANDPA It sure is dark in here. SPRUCE And cramped. UNCLE GRANDPA Yeah, I guess it is cramped… SPRUCE Beat it! You’re going to lead them right to me! UNCLE GRANDPA Hey, you sound just like my friend, Mr. Tree! COP Yaahh!!! SPRUCE That does it! This is my hiding spot!! UNCLE GRANDPA Whoaa! COP All right, bub! We know you’re in there!! Come out with your— Aughh! UNCLE GRANDPA Uuhh! COP You are under arrest for robbing the 1st International Bank, for shoplifting all that sweet bling from the mall, PIZZA STEVE for stealing several hamburgers, UNCLE GRANDPA Wait a minute! I didn’t do any of that stuff! I’ve got some unfinished business with a certain, “Mr. Tree.” 2x, 3x, 4x, ,, , 3x, , , 3x, , , , , , , , , 3x, , Had enough?! Alright. That does it!! SPRUCE COP Spruce Oakley!! America’s most wanted. Master thief. 347 counts of grand larceny. I’ve heard about you. But I never knew you had a partner. UNCLE GRANDPA Partner? No, no. That’s not it at all. I thought the tree really could talk, you see COP You think I’m buying that story. What kind of half-witted, peanut brain would believe that an inanimate object could talk?! UNCLE GRANDPA But, but. Uh oh, hold on one sec. Hello? BELLY BAG Uh, Uncle Grandpa, do you think you could keep it down. I’m still trying finish my book on tape. UNCLE GRANDPA Oh yeah, sorry Belly Bag. BELLY BAG Thanks Uncle Grandpa. Bye now. UNCLE GRANDPA Sorry about that. So like I was saying, COP It’s okay, I understand now. You’re off the hook. You on the other hand… SPRUCE But COP Quit your whining. Serves you right to get beat up by a man that talks to trees. UNCLE GRANDPA And that’s that. I guess it was pretty silly for me to think a tree could actually talk! Haha! MR GUS Don’t sweat it Uncle Grandpa. We’re just glad you haven’t gone kooky on us. TREE What a day. UNCLE GRANDPA The RV is in the shop. MR GUS 5x PIZZA STEVE Oh hey Mr. Gus, working out that dino belly. Are you trying to “crunch” your way to a new bod? MR GUS PIZZA STEVE Sorry to burst your bubble big man, but, you’re doing it all wrong! What you need to do is ditch those archaic forms of exercise and get with what the 21st century has to offer! This fine machine made of modern technology will leave you with abs to die for!! And look how easy it really is. Oh yeah, mmmm. Do you feel the burn? Cause I don’t! Check out my killer abs, in a matter of seconds. You too could have a thin washboard stomach like this. Mmm. Oh I feel good, and I look good. Oh do you hear that? Sounds like a rippling abdominal section to me.