BEARY_NICE BELLY_BAG COMPUTER_FEMALE DOC FRANKENSTEIN HOT_DOG_PERSON MR_GUS NARRATOR NURSE PIRANHA_1 PIRANHA_2 PIRANHA_3 PIRANHA_4 PIZZA_STEVE RABBIT THERAPIST TINY_MIRACLE TV_HOST UNCLE_GRANDPA PIZZA STEVE Who needs overpriced tanning salons when I’ve got a sky full of natural sunlight and my good old microwave King” brand satellite dish. Golden brown, here I come! MR GUS Let’s see what’s on the old satellite TV today. TV HOST So then you take your Rump Roast and place it in the oven at 480 degrees. MR GUS Gah! Pizza Steve! Get your butt off the satellite dish! Rrrrr. Get down from there! PIZZA STEVE MR GUS UNCLE GRANDPA Hup! FRANKENSTEIN Mehhhh! UNCLE GRANDPA Uh! Hey! Who put this box here? Hmmm. It doesn’t say who it’s from, or who it’s to. Hey guys! Come out here! I’ve got something to show you! Yaaaa! Oh, there you are. Does this package belong to you? MR GUS I’ve never seen it before. UNCLE GRANDPA How about you Mr. Pizza Steve? PIZZA STEVE It’s probably just a gift from one of my many fans. I’ll just pop it open and see what they got me. MR GUS Whoa there! It could just as easily be from one of my many fans. MR GUS Well, it could! The point is, we don’t know who it’s for. We should just leave it where we found it. Someone might be looking for it. PIZZA STEVE I say finders keepers, losers etcetera. MR GUS Gimme that! You know it doesn’t belong to you! UNCLE GRANDPA Come on Mr. Gus. Aren’t you even a little curious about what’s inside? It’s probably a cow who likes to race cars and go bowling. MR GUS Somehow, I doubt it. UNCLE GRANDPA Well then, what do you think it is? MR GUS I can’t say for sure. But it is about the right size for a box full of vintage easy listening records. A hundred and one harmonicas! I love this record! Mmm. PIZZA STEVE I sure hope it’s not full of anything lame, like that! If you’re gonna imagine what’s inside, imagine something good. Like diamonds! Diamonds on a high definition television! Oh yes! Classic Pizza Steve! BELLY BAG Yes, of course that is a possibility. But it could just as easily be full of foreign knock-off purses who’ll do anything for an American Visa. UNCLE GRANDPA Geez, Belly Bag! You need to get out more often. Now it’s my turn to make a thought balloon and imagine what’s inside the box. Oh boy, lookit that! It’s that cardboard box I’ve always wanted! Ahh. Ahh. Ahh, choo! I vote we open it and find out what’s really inside! PIZZA STEVE That’s what I’ve been saying! Let’s pop this mama-jama open! MR GUS Whoa! Cool your jets there, buddy! I still don’t think we should open something that potentially doesn’t belong to us. UNCLE GRANDPA Hmm. Hey, I know! Let’s flip for it! Heads we open it, tails we don’t. MR GUS Oh well. I guess that’s – PIZZA STEVE Hey, Mr. Gus! What’s that thing over there?! MR GUS What’s what? PIZZA STEVE Nevermind. Look! Heads! MR GUS What the! PIZZA STEVE I’ll go ahead and take the liberty of opening it up for us. Of course means I get first dibs. Alright, almost got it. Just gotta get under this tape! What a stubborn lil thang! You know what? On second thought, I’ll let you open it, Uncle G. Just wanted to loosen it up for ya. UNCLE GRANDPA Thanks, Pizza Steve. MR GUS Uncle Grandpa, you can’t use a dangerous butter knife like that. This is a kid’s show! UNCLE GRANDPA Oh yea. Better go get my sword then. Ha-Yahhhhh! Man, that’s the last glass sword I ever buy. MR GUS Here’, I’ll get this thing open. It just needs a gentle touch. UNCLE GRANDPA Wow, even Mr. Gus’s super strong hands can’t get this box open. MR GUS I guess I need to hit the gym more y’all. UNCLE GRANDPA Belly Bag, any ideas to get this box open? BELLY BAG Maybe my sharp zipper teeth can cut through some of that tape. Nope. This is some tough tape! UNCLE GRANDPA Nice try, buddy. Let me give it a shot. Nyuh! Well, giving it a shot didn’t work. MR GUS Perhaps Great Realistic Flying Tiger can help us with this dilemma. UNCLE GRANDPA Great idea, Mr. Gus! Sorry girl! Didn’t mean to interrupt your catnap. But we really need your help opening up this package. Alright! Let’s try some of your rainbow power! Darn it. Uh oh. Sorry about using up all your color. UNCLE GRANDPA I guess we’re gonna have to start thinking outside the box, outside the box. Okay, laser hammer. Let’s see what you and your high powered, long range, accuracy scope can do! MR GUS I heard the piranhas at this lake will tear through anything! UNCLE GRANDPA Well let’s see them tear through this! PIRANHA 1 Any of you guys expecting a package? PIRANHA 2 Nah. PIRANHA 3 Nah. PIRANHA 4 Nah. PIRANHA 1 Hey look, a boat! NURSE Well doctor, it seems like you’ll have to open the patient up to remove the obstruction. DOC Good thing my trusty scalpel and I can open up anything. UNCLE GRANDPA Can you open up this? DOC Does it have insurance? UNCLE GRANDPA Uhhhhhh. Yaouch! MR GUS PIZZA STEVE THERAPIST Mmm hmm. So tell me, Uncle Grandpa, why are we here today? UNCLE GRANDPA Well, I just can’t get him to open up. THERAPIST I see. Perhaps some things are better left unopened. UNCLE GRANDPA So can you open him up or not? THERAPIST I think our time is up. UNCLE GRANDPA Do I still have to pay for this? THERAPIST Do you have insurance? UNCLE GRANDPA Uhhh. Yaouch! MR GUS BELLY BAG UNCLE GRANDPA Alright, this jagged-shark’s tooth that I ordered should cut through that box no problem! Why is nothing working?!?! Why why why why why why!? BELLY BAG I can’t take it anymore! MR GUS No good box! Testin’ my patience! Making me lose my cool!! PIZZA STEVE I gotta get inside! I gotta know what’s in there!!! UNCLE GRANDPA I’m starting to feel kinda weird. Kinda like blind rage, is taking over. BELLY BAG M-m-m-meee toooooo! MR GUS Grrrrrr! PIZZA STEVE Nothing is gonna keep me out of that box!! Nothing. TINY MIRACLE Hey guys, does anybody have any tape I can borrow? Nevermind, I’ll just use some tape from this box. There’s a nice loose piece. UNCLE GRANDPA The box! It’s open! TINY MIRACLE Did I do something wrong? PIZZA STEVE It’s open!! The time has come! TINY MIRACLE You guys are starting to freak me out. I’m outta here. PIZZA STEVE A-ha! It’s mine! Me first!! BELLY BAG Back off, sauce face! MR GUS It’s mine! UNCLE GRANDPA You’ll hafta pry it from my cold gloved hands first!! MR GUS Ahhhhhhh!!! PIZZA STEVE Ahhhhhhh!!! BELLY BAG Ahhhhhhh!!! UNCLE GRANDPA Good morning! MR GUS What the heck?! UNCLE GRANDPA What’s goin’ on?! PIZZA STEVE That’s it?? Us?! I don’t believe it!! Where’s all the diamonds?! UNCLE GRANDPA It’s just a buncha darkness. BELLY BAG All that work for nothing?! MR GUS This doesn’t make any sense. UNCLE GRANDPA Looks like you guys need a turn in the box. MR GUS Yeah, y’all need to chill out for a while. PIZZA STEVE Just relax in there, dudes. BELLY BAG Now that that’s over, anybody wanna see if the 24 hour Ice Cream Shop is still open? UNCLE GRANDPA Yeah! Let’s go! PIZZA STEVE I’m all over that idea. MR GUS Sounds good to me. UNCLE GRANDPA Hang on guys I forgot my wallet! Hey, what’s this box doing here? UNCLE GRANDPA Bullseye! Bullseye! Bullseye! NARRATOR New experiences, with Beary Nice. BEARY NICE That’s me! NARRATOR And, Hot Dog Person. HOT DOG PERSON That’s me. BEARY NICE Wow! I’ve never used a computer before! Have you Hotdog Person? HOT DOG PERSON What’s a computer? BEARY NICE Computers are amazing machines. Wee! That can do almost anything. HOT DOG PERSON Really? BEARY NICE I’m beary excited to use a computer for the beary first time! I’m Beary Nice! And I’m going to use this computer to help me get into that jar of cookies. HOT DOG PERSON RABBIT Welcome to Fluffyland! Wanna play? HOT DOG PERSON Wow. Computers really are amazing machines. BEARY NICE You ain’t seen nothin’ yet! Just wait till I get my claws on those cookies. Computer cookies are my favorite! COMPUTER FEMALE Redirect! Welcome to Normad missile defense launch network. Warning! This is a restricted government website. Top level clearance password required. BEARY NICE Beep boop beep. Computer cookie. Beep boop beep. COMPUTER FEMALE Password verified. Welcome, Mr. President. What are the target coordinates, Mr. President? HOT DOG PERSON Uh oh, this isn’t good. BEARY NICE Fiddlesticks. This cookie is delicious! Oh my! There’s cookie crumbs all over the keyboard. COMPUTER FEMALE You have chosen all of the targets. Please enter the launch code, Mr. President. HOT DOG PERSON Oh no! BEARY NICE Get off of there, crumbs! HOT DOG PERSON Ugh! Huh? COMPUTER FEMALE Launch codes accepted. Are you sure you want to proceed, Mr. President? BEARY NICE Just a few crumbs left. There’s one by the “Y” key. Num num num num num. Ooh! There’s one by the “E”! And there’s one last crumb by the “S” key. HOT DOG PERSON COMPUTER FEMALE Thank you, Mr. President. The missiles are in the air. Goodbye. HOT DOG PERSON Oh no! Ahhh! BEARY NICE Wow! I had no idea a computer could make my cookie toasty warm too!