BABYSITTER_BEN BABYSITTER_MATT BIG_BABY BOBBY CRAIG GAME JP KELSEY KIDS OMAR SAILOR_BOY SECURITY_BABY WOLFGANG

BIG BABY
so… looks like you’re stuck between a crib 
and a hard place. ahahahaaa. baba! pew!
CRAIG
that’s why… i brought these.
BIG BABY
hm?! 
CRAIG
 that there’s big baby, and those 
cubes hitting the table? heh, probably worth 
more than your life! bet you’re wondering 
how i got here? well it all started with a 
birthday…
CRAIG
yeah!
OMAR
happy birthday, jp!
KELSEY
happy birthday, jp!
CRAIG
happy birthday, jp!
JP
aw, thanks, you guys! omar, these cupcakes 
you made look so good! you gonna have one?
OMAR
 no, i prefer my cupcakes
without sprinkles.
JP
and kelsey, i will definitely use this jp 
sword you made me!
KELSEY
awww. but it does double damage to anyone
named jp so be careful with it.
JP
oh, this is probably the best birthday i’ve 
ever had!
CRAIG
well, it’s not over yet.
JP
chips? pacifiers? what’s up with these 
seemingly random items?  nuh-uh!
CRAIG
yuh-huh, jp. we’re going to the baby casino,
baby!
JP
baby casino!!!!!
KELSEY
baby casino!!!!!
OMAR
wait… are there babies in the creek?
OMAR
 i dunno how i feel
about this.
CRAIG
 that’s right… the baby casino.
CRAIG
 if you were a kid with potato chips
burning a hole in your pocket…
OMAR
wooaah!
JP
wooaah!
KELSEY
wooaah!
CRAIG
wooaah!
CRAIG
 the baby casino was the place to be.
CRAIG
 this was the place to be.
CRAIG
 at the baby casino, all your hopes 
and dreams could be shattered in an instant. 
but if you won big? you won big.
SAILOR BOY
ohh!
GAME
the cow goes…
BOBBY
always bet on bark!
GAME
mooooo.
BOBBY
i’m ruined! 
JP
 the prize booth!
JP
ohhhh-hoo! a sticky-hand! just imagine all 
the places i could stick it and how 
absolutely filthy it would get-- woah! ow!
OMAR
 keep your greasy paws off the 
glass.
OMAR
hey, these babies are mean.
JP
ohoho, sorry!
CRAIG
wait, is that…  it’s a piece of the 
cube!
KELSEY
what on earth is one of kenneth’s cubes 
doing here?!
CRAIG
i’m not sure, but if we ever want to find 
the heart of the forest, we need to get that 
cube!
JP
and a sticky hand, right?
CRAIG
yeaaaaahh.
OMAR
but craig, that thing costs twenty thousand 
chips.
KELSEY
aww, how are we gonna win that many spuds?
WOLFGANG
tic tac toe! i win!
CRAIG
hmm… i think i tic tac know…
WOLFGANG
haha, paa-thetic! is that all you’ve got for 
chips?! y’know what. i’ll let you go first.
CRAIG
heh, i’m gonna turn this snack-size into a
party-pack.
CRAIG
 you see, the trick to tic tac toe is 
the corners. you start in the corners, and 
stick to the corners, and make them chase 
you around the board to stop ya.
WOLFGANG
ah— block.
CRAIG
 but they can’t.
WOLFGANG
i’m gonna get tired of blocking yuh real 
quick!
CRAIG
good…
CRAIG
i believe that’s tic-tac-toe.
WOLFGANG
noooo!! rrrrrrrrrrrrrgghh! raguh!
CRAIG
 and lucky for me, baby casino is 
full of fools.
JP
yeeesss.
CRAIG
 tic-tac-toe. the chips shall flow.
BOBBY
eh? no!! i’m ruined! you’re lucky this isn’t
about candy! 
KELSEY
okay, so we finished counting…
OMAR
and we’ve got just enough chips for the cube
and a sticky hand!
CRAIG
hm.
KELSEY
craig, don’t get greasy…
OMAR
don’t you mean greedy?
JP
well it’s my birthday! and i wanna get 
greasy! craig, do it.
CRAIG
birthday boy has spoken! i think we can win 
enough to wipe these babies outta business.
SECURITY BABY
CRAIG
alright.  we just need one more 
sucker to step up…
BIG BABY
ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ahem.
CRAIG
oh… two suckers?
BABYSITTER MATT
CRAIG
aw-haw, it’s a cute lil baby! does baby 
wanna pway cwaiggy?
BIG BABY
eh, that’s big baby t’youse.
CRAIG
did that baby just--
BIG BABY
accuse you and your friends of cheatin’?
KIDS
 cheating? at the baby casino?
goo goo?
CRAIG
aha, big baby, i wasn’t cheating! it’s just 
the corner method that--
BIG BABY
a buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-bup! first, you come 
into my casino and cheat! and then you lie 
to my widdle face?  baby 
sitters!!!!!
BIG BABY
oh big baby! please, we don’t want to see 
no tears! don’t cry!
BABYSITTER MATT
whaddaya need, boss? your chips? your 
boddle?
BIG BABY
i need these dirty diapers dumped.
JP
wait! p-please, it’s my birthday! you 
wouldn’t hurt a kid with a birthday, would
ya?
JP
BABYSITTER BEN
yer all banned from the baby casino!
BABYSITTER MATT
oh, and we’ve, uh, confiscated all yer 
chips! nom-nom-nom!
OMAR
there goes the cube…
JP
and my sticky hand!
CRAIG
it’s not fair! i wasn’t cheating!
JP
who was i to think i deserved a happy 
birthday?! and two sticky hands?! awwww!
CRAIG
jp! we’re getting your sticky hands.
KELSEY
uh, uh… how?
CRAIG
gather ’round! for operation taking candy 
from a baby…
BIG BABY
ah, nothin’ like a ball bath.
SECURITY BABY
BIG BABY
what? he’s back?!
BIG BABY
craiggy baby. i thought i told you to take a 
nap. do i gotta call my sitters again? 
CRAIG
hush, little big baby. i’ve got a 
proposition for you. in that prize case over 
there, there’s a cube worth a lot of 
chippies and binkies. it’s part of a map 
that leads to a treasure called the heart of 
the forest. and there’s more cubes where 
that came from.
BIG BABY
hah! you just wanna play me in tic tac toe 
so you can cheat again? please! i know a 
dirty diaper when i smell it!
CRAIG
i’m not talking tic tac toe… i wanna play
ultimate tic tac toe.
BIG BABY
not the mama… you’re on.
BIG BABY
i bet you think you can outsmart me with
that corner method, but ultimate tic tac
toe is a game of pure concentration. you’re 
playing 9 games at the same time, trying to 
win 3 in a row. one slip up and you’re 
tac’d. so... looks like you’re stuck between 
a crib and a hard place.
CRAIG
oh, this is where you came in.
BIG BABY
baba!
BIG BABY
let’s get started, shall we? i’ll go first 
to make sure things are fair. x.
CRAIG
hm! o.
BIG BABY
x!
CRAIG
o.
BIG BABY
i see what you’re up to! hey, you! get 
over there and bwock him! yeah, right there!
x!
OMAR
heh, like taking candy from a baby.
OMAR
SECURITY BABY
JP
hello, my good baby! we were wondering what 
prize we could get for… five and a half 
chips and some lint?
JP
oooh! should i get the fake moustache? or 
this comb? this? or this? this? orrr… this?
this? or this?? or maybe a little bit of 
both? or they’re eyebrows! what do you 
think, little baby? ah, you’ve been a great
crowd!
KELSEY
 um… peekaboo!
BIG BABY
x! that’s another for me! and i’m a lock to 
take that last corner square.
so go ahead. 
hahahaaa… put down your little o. heheheee… 
and i’m just gonna--
BABYSITTER BEN
heya big baby, we caught these three trying 
to steal prizes!
JP
ugh!
OMAR
 sorry, craig.
KELSEY
it was basically my fault.
JP
yeah, i didn’t mess up at all.
BIG BABY
ahahaha! craig, i can’t believe you and your 
little friends thought you could actually 
get one over on me! well your distraction 
didn’t work! now where was i?
CRAIG
don’t you remember, big baby? you were about 
to humiliate me in front of my friends and 
place an x to block me… right over there! 
 right over there.
BIG BABY
oh, thanks for reminding me, craiggy-boy. 
block him good, ya greasy teen! those cubes 
are as good as mine! ahahaha-a-goo!
CRAIG
waaaaaah! you’re too smart for me, big baby!
all i can do now is put a widdle o right 
here and-- wait… what’s this? looks like a 
win!
BIG BABY
hhhuuuuuuhhh?!
CRAIG
it’s like you said before, baby… ultimate 
tic tac toe is a game of pure concentration.
one mistake and you’re tac’d. looks like our 
little distraction worked after all. boom!
BIG BABY
you really got me, didn’t ya. go ahead and 
take your prize.
OMAR
nice bling, man!
BIG BABY
hey, one more thing! if you get that 
treasure, why don’t ya come back and play me 
for it, big boy!
CRAIG
haha! no!
JP
and this is for earlier! hah!
BABYSITTER BEN
ooww!
BABYSITTER MATT ooww!
BIG BABY
hahahaha! ya big babies hahaha! goo goo! ga-
ga!

[Type text]0[Type text]0[Type text]