CHICKEN_KID CRAIG GARY JP KELSEY MAYOR OMAR SHOPKEEPER KELSEY how does omar have all that energy? we’re exploring, not running a marathon! CRAIG the kid guarded the overpass for like three summers straight… CRAIG dude is a machine. OMAR hey y’all. i think i found something. CRAIG woah. what is this place? JP i think the sign says “hi, i’m a sign. i don’t like the wind.” but… i think that might just be me relating to the sign. CRAIG it looks like some sort of village. OMAR what are we waiting for? let’s check it out. CRAIG hmm? CRAIG huh? KELSEY whoa-ho-ho-ho! SHOPKEEPER hello, fair traveler! are you selling or buying? KELSEY neither, humble shopkeep. i am kelsey, noble warrior from south of the overpass. my companions and i are looking for a great treasure known as the heart of the forest. SHOPKEEPER hello, fair traveler! are you selling or buying? KELSEY uhh… OMAR there’s something… familiar about this place. CHICKEN KID somebody help! my chicken fell down the well! OMAR woah. this well is pretty deep. hmm. don’t worry, i’ll help you pull up your poultry. OMAR there you go! CHICKEN KID my chicken! thank you so much for your help! as a reward, i’d like to give you this! OMAR oh… a blue rock? CHICKEN KID no, silly! it’s a bloopee! don’t spend it all in one place! OMAR oh… heh… thanks! CRAIG something’s up with these kids. they’re kinda strange. KELSEY i know! i tried to talk to a shopkeeper, but they just kept repeating themselves! JP yeah! and that kid over there guarding the swamp said i wasn’t the right level! i was like “well then maybe you need to get on my level!” GARY ay! you talkin’ bout me!? you wanna go, buddy?! huh?! JP yeah, i wanna go! to the swamp! CRAIG what’s their deal? KELSEY yeah, what kind of game are these kids playing anyway! OMAR a video game! JP uh… i don’t see any controllers. OMAR no no no, like pretend. listen, i’ve played a lot of games and i’ve seen this in all of them: levels, weapon shops, chickens where they shouldn’t be… these kids are pretending they’re in a role-playing game. and in rpg’s, where there’s a town, there’s a quest. we need to see the mayor. JP what!?! only in on sundays?!? JP aw dang, we’re a day early, you guys! CRAIG i mean, we could just come back tomorrow. KELSEY what?! to-morrow!!! i wanna save the day to-day! OMAR no need to panic. we can just rest. resting in this kind of game passes the time around you super fast! OMAR now… everyone, close your eyes. MAYOR hello! i’m the mayor and it’s a new day all of a sudden! JP did—did i overlseep?! JP ah! whew! thank goodness! MAYOR i’m the mayor of moss village! would you like to hear more about our wonderful town? eh? eh? KELSEY oh oh, i got it! hmm… mmm… yes! MAYOR alright! moss village is an ancient town, built nearly five years ago! MAYOR we lived and prospered in harmony until one day… a gift left behind by a legendary hero, was taken! the radiant cube! OMAR a cube! CRAIG it must be one of the puzzle pieces that leads to the heart of the forest! CRAIG um… excuse me, mayor? uh, do you have any clue where this cube might be now? MAYOR it is hidden in the swamp behind this village, but it is guarded by the most dangerous creatures this side of the creek… MAYOR blood dragons! KELSEY tell me more! MAYOR the blood dragons terrorized our village for years, draining the lifeforce of any who challenge them. we’ve long waited for a hero to send these beasts back to the putrid puddle from which they came! OMAR mayor of moss village… i am but a humble archer, but joined by my trusty mage craig, the brave warror kelsey, and the bardic knowledge of jp, you won’t find a more balanced party! MAYOR melee, range, a sixth grader. that’s a pretty good team build right here… MAYOR alright! you may enter the swamp! i’ll alert my guard! MAYOR hey! gary! GARY yeah? MAYOR let ‘em in this time, will ya’?! GARY okay. OMAR hold up. we’re gonna need some more gear for this. SHOPKEEPER hello, fair traveler! OMAR got anything good for battling blood dragons? SHOPKEEPER ohhh, headed to the swamp, i see. then i would recommend the blood dragon armor! JP wow! what won’t they put in a can! SHOPKEEPER that’ll be five thousand bloopees. OMAR um… would you consider taking… one? KELSEY hmm… hyah!!! SHOPKEEPER hey! why the heck didja do that to my pot!? KELSEY i—i—i’m sorry! i just thought there’d be some bloopees inside. you know, because of… video games?? OMAR hmm… i guess it’s time to farm some bloopees. JP whoa! wild bloopees! agriculture rules! OMAR come on! the harvest awaits! CRAIG huwaaaa!! KELSEY hyah! hyah! hyah! JP ah. CRAIG whoa, how’d you know we’d find bloopees here? OMAR rpgs, man. they basically all follow the same set of rules: gear up, beat em up, and level up until you’re finished. CRAIG doesn’t that ever get… old? OMAR i dunno. it’s like when i spent all my afternoons defending the overpass. sure, it was a grind, but it was familiar. i always knew my purpose. it was a nice feeling. SHOPKEEPER okay, this is enough… CRAIG we’ve got it! the blood dragon armor! KELSEY to the swamp!! OMAR no enemies in this area… so far. CRAIG look, a treasure chest! the cube’s gotta be in there! KELSEY ahh! blood dragons! CRAIG ahh! blood dragons! JP ahh! mosquitoes… i mean blood dragons! OMAR we’ve come for the radiant cube! leave this swamp and the people of moss village for good! OMAR well, if that’s how you want to play it! my arrows will not miss! OMAR kelsey, you’re up! KELSEY kelsey uses howling falcon! raaah!!!! OMAR craig, your turn! CRAIG craig uses crystallize! OMAR now! jp! JP today! is! sunday!!!! OMAR yes! now they’re extremely confused. OMAR hngggh! JP omar!!! KELSEY omar!!! CRAIG omar!!! OMAR omar… summons… guardian volley!!! CRAIG c’mon, let’s pop that chest open and be done with this quest! OMAR wait! CRAIG w-what’s wrong? OMAR uh… i—i-i think our armor is about to break! we should go grind more bloopees. we can buy new armor and come right back! CRAIG or we could just grab the cube now. i mean it’s right there. OMAR don’t take another step! CRAIG omar?! what are you doing? OMAR don’t you know? there’s always a betrayal in jrpg’s. CRAIG we’re… we’re your friends, omar! KELSEY that’s not omar anymore. he’s been poisoned by the blood dragons. he’s… blood omar!!! KELSEY time for the final boss! attack! CRAIG kelsey, wait! hold up!! KELSEY yahhhh—huh? CRAIG omar, listen! i know why you won’t let us grab the cube. this whole thing has been like a game and… you just don’t want it to end. OMAR i… i… i like this game. i know who i’m supposed to be and what i’m supposed to do. every day is the same, it’s comfortable… familiar… it’s just like— CRAIG like… the overpass. OMAR guh! OMAR unh… OMAR i’m sorry, guys. this whole not being the green poncho thing just really gets to me sometimes. CRAIG hey, it’s okay. for a long time, you had one place to show up and one thing to do, but now each day is new, different and unexpected.even though all these changes are happening, you don’t have to face it alone. CRAIG your mossy-ness, i present you with the cube. MAYOR the legend says the cubes should only be entrusted to kids true of heart… and you four heroes are the truest. OMAR thank you. but… what will happen to the residents of moss village now that the cube has been passed on? MAYOR well since you asked… moss village prospered in harmony until one day, our most coveted treasure was taken… the radiant sandwich-wich-wich! would you like to hear more? eh? eh? pick yeah. OMAR no thanks. we’ve got other side quests to complete… together. JP i shouldn’t ask, but what’s in a radiant sandwich? MAYOR the ultimate power! and mayo. JP this isn’t your fault, it’s just kind of a pet peeve of mine but you don’t need other ingredients if you have mayo! mayo is the sandwich! good day!